[ I Remember Putting On A Brave Face ]
[ To Hide The Symptoms Of Depression ]
[ I Always Felt Like A Disgrace ]
[ Because I Needed to Make A Confession ]

[ Whenever Someone Would Ask ]
[ [ HOW ARE THINGS? ] ]
[ I Wanted To Take Off My Mask ]
[ & Tell Them About The Guilt That Depression Brings ]

[ I Could Never Get Away From The Guilt Because It Was
     Always On My Mind ]
[ Add My PTSD To The Mix ]
[ & It Seemed Like I Was Always On Rewind ]

[ PTSD Affects Me In Many Different Ways ]
[ & It Can Affect Me For Many Consecutive Days ]

[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ There Were Days Where All I Wanted To Do Was Shout ]
[ Because I Was Having Nightmares About Subjects That
     I Knew Nothing About ]

[ Later In The Day The Subject Would Become Clear ]
[ I Was Having Nightmares About Things That I Fear ]

[ Can You Hear That? ]
[ I Can ]
[ I Just Don’t Know Where I’m @ ]
[ As A Man ]

[ Oh, I’ve Been Sitting Here All Of The Time ]
[ Having Flashbacks ]
[ In Between Writing Rhymes ]

[ What’s The Subject For The Day? ]
[ Even In My Confusion ]
[ My Thoughts Can Still Stay ]

[ But I Didn’t Want Or Need Them All ]
[ When One Wouldn’t Go Away ]
[ It Drove Me Up The Wall ]

[ How Do I Keep My Modesty & Sanity? ]
[ In A World Filled With ]
[ Insanity & Vanity? ]

[ That’s One Reason That I Try To Keep My Thoughts Wrapped
     Up Nice & Tight ]
[ Because Sometimes When I Try To Verbalize Them ]
[ Things Don’t Quite ]
[ Sound Right ]

[ But Most Of The Time I Stay In My Head ]
[ So My Expressionless Face Can’t Be Read ]
[ But Then Complimentary Words Would Go Unsaid ]

[ Often My Home Was My De-Compression Zone ]
[ A Better Place ]
[ Was Never Known ]

[ I Had To Find Another Place Where I Felt As Safe As Before ]
[ Would I Ever Be Able To Find That Door? ]
[ Where It Was Safe To Walk On It’s Floor? ]

[ Now I Know A Place Where I Can Take My Thoughts & Park ]
[ It’s When I Go To Sleep In The Dark ]

[ When I Open My Eyes I’d Hear This Song ]
[ That Usually Told Me When Something Was Wrong ]
[ I’d Tell Myself [ BE STRONG, BE STRONG ] ]
[ Even When I Did Not Quite Know What Was Going On ]

[ When I Could Clearly See ]
[ I’d Find That There Is Nobody In The Room ]
[ With Me ]
[ Then I’d Wonder [ HOW COULD THIS BE? ] ]
[ I Figured Out That It Was Another Flashback ]
[ Caused By My PTSD ]

[ How Can I Get Away From This Disorder ]
[ That Is Like A Recorder ]

[ [ SHUT DOWN! SHUT DOWN! ]
[ Is What I Tell Myself ]
[ It Never Works, It Never Works, I’ve Found ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]   ‎ 
  ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

[ Do You Wake Up Every Morning Hoping For
    The Best ]
[ But Expect The Worst? ]
[ All Through The Days It Feels Like Taking Test
     After Test ]
[ Trying To Keep One Step Ahead Of The Curse ]

[ The Curse That Has Been Over Your Head Since
     Your Birth ]
[ By Always Making You Prove Your Worth ]

[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ You Have Always Needed To Convince Those Surrounding
     You That Have Doubt ]

[ Doubt About Your Sanity ]
[ Then Accusing You Of Vanity ]

[ But Sometimes You Let Your Mind Drift High Into
     The Clouds ]
[ When You Are Surrounded By Crowds ]
[ That Are Loud ]

[ Because You Really Do Not Have Much To Say ]
[ & You Have Never Fit In ]
[ When You Will One Day ]
[ How Do You Begin? ]

[ Do You Cause A Commotion Before Uttering Your
     First Words ]
[ What If No One Is Paying Attention? ]
[ What If You Are Never Heard? ]

[ I Think That You Should Turn Your Back ]
[ Then Ride Into The Sunset ]
[ Grab Your Backpack ]
[ Then Walk Away & Forget ]
[ About All Of Those Who You Have Just Met ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
     ‎    ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

[ If People Are Wrong ]
[ It Does Not Change Anything ]
[ But If The Proof Is Strong ]
[ It Changes Everything ]

[ Sometimes People Do Not Know How To Act ]
[ When They Are Shown The Facts ]

[ They Think They Are Blessed ]
[ When They Are Surrounded By Those That Always
     Say ( YES! ) ]
[ But When Pushed ]
[ They Tell You To Your Face That It Was Always Just
     A Calculated Guess ]

[ Made On Assumptions ]
[ Not On Deductions ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
     ‎    ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

So Just Now I Woke Up Dark. What Made Me Sneeze Was The Smell Of The Alarm Clock Barking. That Woke Nicole Up Because She Stopped Running, Looked @ Her Ankle Wondering Why It Sounded Like Half A Banana Peel. So I Laid Sideways, Rolled Uphill When The Clock On The Floor Meyowed. I Threw Water On The Couch, Then I Opened Up The Refrigerator. I Was Sweating Numb When I Smelled The Cola-BunnyBeer. Than I Saw One Pair Of Van’s, Two Pairs Of Socks, One Bright Steak Undershirt ( SIZE SMALL ) Just Standing There On The Bottom Button Singing X-Rays. I Thought ( OH THAT IS WHERE THEY LANDED AFTER TAKING AN ÜBER HOME FROM SINGING @ THE CLOTHING LAB ) Sew I Shook Salt On My Right Foot. Grabbed A Frying Pan From The 3rd Drawer Down In The Toy Box That Was Submerged On The Roof. Not The 2nd Closet That Was In The Bathtub Boiling Eggs. I Like My Eggs Boiled Until The Ice Falls Off Into The Bedroom Faucet. But The Eggs Must Be Milked Until The Number ‘J’ Says It Is … So One More Word About Hair. Good Boy. My Meds Must Be Shined ‘6’ Two Swimming Pools To The Up. Up Is Kind Of … Yes. If New Knew, It Wasn’t New, Would The Un-New Who Knew, Would That Be Old News, To The Sevens That Knew? Would Yellow Actually Be The Only One That No’s? If Somebody Raised Their Grapes Are They Trying To Grow Hair? Just A Couple Of Things That Make Your Belly Button Itch.

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
     ‎    ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

[ Are You Looking For Friends In All The Wrong
Places ]
[ While Looking For Love In All The Wrong Faces ]

[ Not Being Very Wise ]
[ & Over Looking The Blank Look In Their Eyes ]
[ Then Listening ]
[ & Believing Their Lies ]

[ Lies, Lies, Lies Is All They Tell ]
[ They Have Been Doing This For So Long ]
[ They Do It Really Well ]
[ Because It Is So Wrong ]
[ The Lies That You Hear Have Their Own Distinctive
Smell ]

[ Soon Seeing, That After You First Met ]
[ They Had Their Hand In Your Back Pocket ]
[ Dead Set ]
[ On Trying To Grab Your Wallet ]

[ Leaving You Looking High & Low ]
[ For Some Kind Of Show ]

[ Of Reciprocation On Their Part ]
[ Of Wanting To Share Their Heart ]

[ The Cold Look In Their Eyes Speaks Volumes
Without Making A Sound ]
[ Whenever You Attempt To Make Eye Contact ]
[ They Are Looking @ The Ground ]
[ & You Will Find It Is A Fact ]
[ When They Don’t Come Around ]

[ Being The Type Of Girl Or Guy ]
[ Trying To Get By ]
[ In Life ]
[ By Never Looking @ You Eye To Eye ]

[ So In The End ]
[ It Should not Take A Blow To Your Head ]
[ To Figure Out Or See ]
[ That Deep Down Inside Of Them, Their Soul Is Dead ]

[ It Is Like They Want To Say ]
[ That They Do Not Have Love For You In Their Heart ]
[ In The Most Basic Way ]

[ & That Is Their Way Of Saying ]
[ That They Do Not Want To Be Staying ]
[ Unless You Are Monetarily Paying ]
[ & You Will Quickly Realize ]
[ That Kind Of Game Is Not Worth Playing ]

[ Will You Ever Notice That They Constantly Come
To You Looking For A Handout? ]
[ & When You Leave Them Empty Handed ]
[ They Will Stand There & Pout? ]

[ If You Continue To Hear Them Lie ]
[ That Should Be Your Cue ]
[ To Say Your Goodbye ]
[ Because, They Will Continue To Try To Use You ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
     ‎    ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]