[ The Voices Are Always Loud When I’m All Alone ]
[ It Turns Me Cold ]
[ All Of The Way To My Bones ]
[ Do The Voices Always Have The Same Message? ]
[ From The Same Passage? ]
[ Can It Be Passive ]
[ When The Content Was Massive ]
[ Massive Compared To What? ]
[ Do I Always Bleed When I Am Cut? ]
[ But, But, But ]
[ You’re Losing Me With All Of The Impurity ]
[ You’ve Lost Me Because You Caused Me Injury ]
[ & If You Don’t Tell The Whole Truth ]
[ You’ll Be Guilty Of Perjury ]
[ In Front Of Your Peers In The Jury ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1221)▪︎[ Don’t See The Light … 10•9•2019 ]
[ Now’s The Dark Days Of Your Life ]
[ Because You Can No Longer See The Light ]
[ Now The Mornings ]
[ Are As Dark As The Night ]
[ How Did Such A Horrible Thing Happen To Where
You No Longer Have The Ability ]
[ To See? ]
[ You Feel That You Are Locked Down In A Jail That’s Completely
Dark ]
[ You’re No Longer In Drive ]
[ & Because You Are In Park ]
[ You No Longer Thrive ]
[ Where Are You Going? ]
[ How Do You Get There ]
[ People Are Knowing ]
[ But Most Don’t Show They Care ]
[ People That You Know & Love Are So Apathetic ]
[ & Right Before Your Darkened Eyes ]
[ Looked So Pathetic ]
[ You Are Not Looking For Pity, By Any Means ]
[ But No One Has Any Empathy It Seems ]
[ When You Lay Awake In The Middle Of The Night On Your Bed ]
[ You Dream That You See Daylight In Your Head ]
[ Then The Old Memories Of Sight Come Flooding In ]
[ That Makes These Days ]
[ The Darkest They’ve Ever Been ]
[ When Will You Come Out Of This Living Dream? ]
[ When Will You Stop Hearing Yourself Scream? ]
[ What Are You Screaming For? ]
[ You Hear A Knock ]
[ Now You Wonder Who Is On The Other Side Of That Door ]
[ Maybe It’s Death ]
[ So You Won’t Suffer Anymore ]
[ Do You Open It Or Keep It Closed? ]
[ After You Woke From This Nightmare ]
[ Did You Ever Wonder What You Chose? ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1234)▪︎[ How It All Happened … 10•12•2019 ]
[ We Met One Day, Downstairs In A Breakroom ]
[ After That Casual Meeting ]
[ I Didn’t Know That A Year & A Half Later I’d Be Your Groom ]
[ All Of This After I Asked You If You Wanted To
Rent The Other Room ]
[ It Seems Like We Were Meant To Be Husband & Wife ]
[ The Third Degree Of Separation ]
[ Happened Very Early In My Life ]
[ It Was Like The Turning Of The Clock ]
[ When My Father’s Mother ]
[ Lived Near Your Family Almost On The Same Block ]
[ Then I Was Asked What Your Last Name Was ]
[ Why Did She Want To Know? ]
[ Oh, Just Because? ]
[ When I Said The Name I Gave Your Mother’s Maiden Name ]
[ I Don’t Know Why I Said It ]
[ Because It Wasn’t Even Close To Being The Same ]
[ It Turned Out That Your Mother & My Step-Mother
Went To School Together When They Were Young ]
[ It’s Not Like The Ladder Was Sturdy ]
[ When I Climbed It Rung By Rung ]
[ I Loved Everything About You When We Talked Late Into
The Night ]
[ But There Was No Spark ]
[ Until … ]
[ One Day I Woke-Up & Saw You Under A Different Light ]
[ Right Away We Knew We Were Meant For Each Other ]
[ I’ve Had Plenty Of Dates With Other Women In The Past ]
[ After That Awakening Day, I Never Wanted Another ]
[ I Knew I Wanted To Marry You As Soon As Possible ]
[ But Getting You A Good Ring ]
[ Was Far From Probable ]
[ Then I Went To Alaska For The Wedding Of A Friend From
My College Years ]
[ When I Was Up There I Talked About You So Much ]
[ I Possibly Hurt Their Ears ]
[ From That Conversation a Diamond Wedding Ring Set Fell
Into My Lap ]
[ I Told Her That There Will A Gap ]
[ Between Now & When It Would Be Paid ]
[ I Thought The Woman Was So Excited ]
[ I Could Have Got Laid ]
[ I Went & Got On The Plane With The Ring Set ]
[ Stuffed In A Box ]
[ & Then Into My Pocket ]
[ I Had To Wait A Few Months Before I Could Propose ]
[ December 25th, 1994 Was The Date That I Chose ]
[ @ First Her Mom Sent Her Off To Another Room With
A Task ]
[ When She Came Back ]
[ I Knelt Down In Front Of Her & Said That I had Something
That I Wanted To Ask ]
[ As I Contemplated Where To Sit ]
[ I Looked Her In The Eyes & Asked … (WHAT TIME IS IT?) ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1183)▪︎[ A, B & C … 9•27•2019 ]
[ Learning To Think About Your Thinking ]
[ May Cause Some People To Start Drinking ]
[ If You Start To Think About Your Emotions ]
[ Will That Cause A Commotion? ]
[ The [ A ] Is The Event Or Antecedent ]
[ Is This Something For Which You Get Bent ]
[ The [ B ] Is The Belief Or The Bullshit You Tell Yourself ]
[ Is That Like The Tightening Of The Belt? ]
[ Which Can Cause Welts ]
[ The Emotion Does Not Come From The Event, But From
The Belief ]
[ If You Think About That ]
[ It Should Be A Big Relief ]
[ The [ C ] Is The Consequence Of The Belief For Some ]
[ Because People Can Believe One Way ]
[ & That Makes Them Look Dumb ]
[ & For That Minute, Hour Or Day ]
[ Wish That They Had Not Come ]
[ Sometimes People Need A Brain Check ]
[ Because Oftentimes In Their Mind ]
[ They Are A Train Wreck ]
[ Why Are You Getting Upset @ Someone That Is Not Even There ]
[ Because Wherever That Person Is ]
[ Do They Really Care? ]
[ Did They Actually Do Or Say What You Think They Did? ]
[ & Then Ran & Hid? ]
[ Is This Something Worthy Of Flipping Your Lid? ]
[ Does This Help You Get What You Really Want? ]
[ Or Are These Words Just A Taunt? ]
[ How Does One Work Towards What The Want In Life? ]
[ Do They First Must Have Harmony & Peace ]
[ Between You & The Wife? ]
[ For Those Who Think That They Can Have Complete Harmony &
Peace With Others ]
[ Should Go Back To Bed & Get Under The Covers ]
[ For What They’re Having Is But A Dream ]
[ & They Can Also Figure Out What’s Their Favorite Ice Cream ]
[ Or So It Seems ]
[ The Worst Thing That Can Be True About Anything, Is That It
Is Just True ]
[ Then YOU Have To Figure Out What To Do ]
[ Based On Your Values ]
[ & What Skills You Might Have @ That Time ]
[ Are Your Skills Worth A Penny Or A Dime? ]
[ Do You Need To Build New Skills? ]
[ & You’ll Find ]
[ That Change Does Not Always Kill ]
[ So In Your Mind ]
[ Does It Change The Story About Jack & Jill? ]
[ Was Jill Being Kind ]
[ When She Pushed Jack Down The Hill? ]
[ Or Maybe Jack Only Thought That Jill Was The Cause Of His
Trip & Fall ]
[ He’ll Let Someone Else Figure It Out ]
[ Once He Gives His Attorney A Call ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1182)▪︎[ Why, Did I? … 9•26•2019 ]
[ Why, Oh Why, Do I Put Myself Into Such A Predicament? ]
[ It’s Almost Like I Always Need To Go Through An Incident ]
[ Before I Get My Point Across ]
[ & Then Everyone Is @ A Loss ]
[ Of Words To Say ]
[ That Even Goes For The Day After Today ]
[ Such As Tommorow ]
[ From Which We Borrow ]
[ The Energy To Survive ]
[ & Have Enough To Drive ]
[ This Car ]
[ But We Become Slack ]
[ When It Comes To Paying Tommorow Back ]
[ If You Borrow From Tomorrow’s Life Source ]
[ It’s Imperative That You Pay It Back Of Course ]
[ You Don’t Want Tomorrow To Be Empty & Hanging By
A Thread ]
[ That Is One Thought That I Dread ]
[ It Would Have Me Seeing Red ]
[ When The Next Day I See Myself On Death’s Bed ]
[ So I’ve Been Taught ]
[ To Not ]
[ Get Placed In That Hot ]
[ Of A Spot ]
[ & Instead Find A Nice, Cool Spot ]
[ Not One That Is Burning Hot ]
[ Where Does One Stand? ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1235)▪︎[ This Is A Recording … 10•13•2019 ]
[ I Remember Putting On A Brave Face ]
[ To Hide The Symptoms Of Depression ]
[ I Always Felt Like A Disgrace ]
[ Because I Needed to Make A Confession ]
[ Whenever Someone Would Ask ]
[ [ HOW ARE THINGS? ] ]
[ I Wanted To Take Off My Mask ]
[ & Tell Them About The Guilt That Depression Brings ]
[ I Could Never Get Away From The Guilt Because It Was
Always On My Mind ]
[ Add My PTSD To The Mix ]
[ & It Seemed Like I Was Always On Rewind ]
[ PTSD Affects Me In Many Different Ways ]
[ & It Can Affect Me For Many Consecutive Days ]
[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ There Were Days Where All I Wanted To Do Was Shout ]
[ Because I Was Having Nightmares About Subjects That
I Knew Nothing About ]
[ Later In The Day The Subject Would Become Clear ]
[ I Was Having Nightmares About Things That I Fear ]
[ Can You Hear That? ]
[ I Can ]
[ I Just Don’t Know Where I’m @ ]
[ As A Man ]
[ Oh, I’ve Been Sitting Here All Of The Time ]
[ Having Flashbacks ]
[ In Between Writing Rhymes ]
[ What’s The Subject For The Day? ]
[ Even In My Confusion ]
[ My Thoughts Can Still Stay ]
[ But I Didn’t Want Or Need Them All ]
[ When One Wouldn’t Go Away ]
[ It Drove Me Up The Wall ]
[ How Do I Keep My Modesty & Sanity? ]
[ In A World Filled With ]
[ Insanity & Vanity? ]
[ That’s One Reason That I Try To Keep My Thoughts Wrapped
Up Nice & Tight ]
[ Because Sometimes When I Try To Verbalize Them ]
[ Things Don’t Quite ]
[ Sound Right ]
[ But Most Of The Time I Stay In My Head ]
[ So My Expressionless Face Can’t Be Read ]
[ But Then Complimentary Words Would Go Unsaid ]
[ Often My Home Was My De-Compression Zone ]
[ A Better Place ]
[ Was Never Known ]
[ I Had To Find Another Place Where I Felt As Safe As Before ]
[ Would I Ever Be Able To Find That Door? ]
[ Where It Was Safe To Walk On It’s Floor? ]
[ Now I Know A Place Where I Can Take My Thoughts & Park ]
[ It’s When I Go To Sleep In The Dark ]
[ When I Open My Eyes I’d Hear This Song ]
[ That Usually Told Me When Something Was Wrong ]
[ I’d Tell Myself (BE STRONG, BE STRONG) ]
[ Even When I Did Not Quite Know What Was Going On ]
[ When I Could Clearly See ]
[ I’d Find That There Is Nobody In The Room ]
[ With Me ]
[ Then I’d Wonder (HOW COULD THIS BE?) ]
[ I Figured Out That It Was Another Flashback ]
[ Caused By My PTSD ]
[ How Can I Get Away From This Disorder ]
[ That Is Like A Recorder ]
[ (SHUT DOWN! SHUT DOWN!) ]
[ Is What I Tell Myself ]
[ It Never Works, I’ve Found ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(844)▪︎[ Going To The E.D. … 10•4•2021 ]
[ I Was Told To Go Down To The E.D. Really Quick ]
[ So Right Now I Am Surrounded By Lots Of People
That Are Sick ]
[ For The Evenings Entertainment, This Would Not Have Been My
Very First Choice ]
[ It Does Not Matter Which Way That I Turn ]
[ I Am Surrounded By Noise ]
[ I Am Sweating Through My Second Set Of Clothes ]
[ What Is Wrong With Me ]
[ Nobody Knows ]
[ I Am Betting ]
[ It Might Have Something To Do With My Constant Sweating ]
[ It Has Always Been Crystal Clear ]
[ My Dr. Normally Does Not Send Me Here ]
[ We Were Surprised To Read That ]
[ But He Said That Is The Place I Needed To Be @ ]
[ It Zaps Me Of All Of My Willpower ]
[ To Hear Other People Saying That They Have Been Waiting For
Several Hours ]
[ Just Now A Random Guy Came Up To Me Begging For Food ]
[ I Wanted To Say (DUDE … ) ]
[ (CHECK WHERE YOU ARE @!) Without Sounding Rude ]
[ This Has Not Been Very Thrilling ]
[ & These Cold Sweats Sure Are Extremely Chilling ]
[ When I Am Cold, That Means I Do Not Feel Well ]
[ For The Last (4) Days I Have Felt Like Hell ]
[ @ Least I Still Have My Sense Of Taste & Smell ]
[ So No Worry Of Having The ‘VID 19 Here ]
[ @ Least That Is (1) Thing To Cheer ]
[ About ]
[ But Not Shout ]
[ Out ]
[ I Would Not Want To Cause A Rift ]
[ & Have Someone Think That They Could Come & Give It To Me
As A Gift ]
[ I Am Starting To Feel Tired ]
[ What I Wouldn’t Give ]
[ To Be Sitting Beside A Fire ]
[ My Clothes Feel Cold & Wet ]
[ The Wait Here Will Be Long I Bet ]
[ Oh How I Wish I Could Click My Heels Together & Say
(THERE’s NO PLACE LIKE HOME!) ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(838)▪︎[ She Had A Good Thing Here … 10•3•2021 ]
[ So She Said That What She Was Doing Here Was Below Her
Skill-Set ]
[ She Was, One Of The Best You Had Ever Met ]
[ But Then She Started To Over Exaggerate Her Skills ]
[ The Many Days That She Missed ]
[ Did Not Even Pay Her Bills ]
[ Her Attendance Record Spoke For Itself ]
[ Can She Actually Show Up On Time Somewhere Else? ]
[ That Is One Thing That You Will Doubt ]
[ That Will Be One Thing That You Won’t Care To Find Out ]
[ A Person Like That Does Not Just Change Her Ways ]
[ In A Matter Of Days ]
[ Out Of 133 Possible Shifts, She Called Out Over 49 Times ]
[ That Sure Was Alot Of Lost Dimes ]
[ Is It Because You Really Wish For Her The Worst ]
[ If You Could ]
[ You Would Send Her A Curse ]
[ She Would Have Gotten Paid ]
[ If She Only Stayed ]
[ She Screwed You In The End ]
[ You Did Nothing But Bend ]
[ You Should Have Been Wary @ First ]
[ But You Always Tried Your Damndest To Help Quench Her
Thirst ]
[ You Fed Her Almost Every Shift ]
[ She Never Really Appreciated That Gift ]
[ When She Ate, Boy Did She Eat ]
[ Your Generosity Could Not Be Beat ]
[ She Looked A Gift Horse In The Mouth ]
[ When She Came Into Your House ]
[ It Is So Clear ]
[ That She Had A Great Thing Here ]
[ But She Did Not Care ]
[ Because She Chose To Take Her Horrible Attendance Elsewhere ]
[ Now She Is Someone Else’s Problem ]
[ Hmmm … Sucks To Be Them ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(843)▪︎[ No Sleep … 10•4•2021 ]
[ Everytime That You Go To Bed, Is It Always You -vs-
The Night? ]
[ Is Getting To Sleep Always A Fight? ]
[ When You Close Your Eyes, All You See Is Dark ]
[ The Difference Is Stark ]
[ Dreams Don’t Start ]
[ You Hear The Beats Of Your Heart ]
[ You Open Your Eyes ]
[ & Only (3) Minutes Has Ticked By ]
[ You Can’t Even Count Sheep ]
[ To Get To Sleep ]
[ That Just Doesn’t Work For You ]
[ If It Does Work ]
[ Than For Who? ]
[ You Take The Most Potent Sleep Medication There Is ]
[ It Is Right There, On The Top Of The List ]
[ After Drinking It, You Just Sit There & Wait ]
[ & Wait & Wait & Wait ]
[ You See That It Is Getting Late ]
[ So Much Time Goes By, It Becomes Early The Next Day ]
[ But You Keep Waiting To Drift Away ]
[ Then You Become A Prisoner To Your Medication ]
[ It Changes Your Thinking ]
[ Your Equilibrium Goes On Vacation ]
[ It Is A Very Potent, Mind Changing Drug ]
[ It Is Not A Warm Hug ]
[ It Tastes So Salty You Just Want To Drink It Really Fast ]
[ But The Taste Still Lasts ]
[ It Is Like Pouring ½ A Salt Shaker On Your Tongue ]
[ You Don’t Even Do That When You’re Young ]
[ The Minutes Just Drag On ]
[ ½ The Night Is Gone ]
[ Must You Hold Your Breath? ]
[ To Get Some Rest? ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(842)▪︎[ How? … 10•4•2021 ]
[ Just Because You Are Abused, Does Not Mean That You Will
Abuse ]
[ Just Because You Are Around Drugs ]
[ Does Not Always Mean That You Will Use ]
[ One Night Your Older Sister & Her Friends Tried To Get
You High ]
[ But You Flat Out Declined ]
[ You Put Up A Fight ]
[ Because You Did Not Think That It Was Right ]
[ They Thought It Was Their Place ]
[ To Blow Smoke In Your Face ]
[ You Kept These Facts ]
[ Of These Acts ]
[ Under Your Hat ]
[ & You Never Told Barbara About Any Of That ]
[ Statistics Find ]
[ That When You Are Abused As A Child ]
[ It Messes With Your Mind ]
[ You Were Horribly Abused By Barbara, The First ]
[ You Were Denied Food ]
[ & Water, To Quench Your Thirst ]
[ She Would Leave You For Hours On End ]
[ When Would She Come Back? ]
[ That Would Completely Depend ]
[ On How Much Needed To Be Done ]
[ Life As A Toddler ]
[ Was Not Alot Of Fun ]
[ She Would Feed & Nurture The Other Two ]
[ But There Was Nothing Left For You ]
[ You Were Starved So Long, You Grew An Distended
Belly ]
[ You Were Not Even Given Sandwiches Of Peanut Butter &
Jelly ]
[ Barbara Did Not Like You Much ]
[ For Many Days On End She Skipped Your Breakfast &
Lunch ]
[ It Was Not Because She Was Poor ]
[ Maybe She Wanted To See How Much Abuse You Could
Endure ]
[ Your Wicked, Abusive Mother ]
[ Doted On Your Older Sister ]
[ & Baby Brother ]
[ She Helped Them Thrive ]
[ All She Wanted To Do With You, Is Barely Keep You Alive ]
[ Your Father Heard About All Of This ]
[ & Came Back Over To Hawaii ]
[ To Grab You & Your Sis ]
[ After Barbara Signed Off Her Parental Rights For All
(3) Of Us ]
[ She Walked Out Of Court & Caught A Bus ]
[ To Never Be Seen Again ]
[ She Probably Thought That Was A Win-Win ]
[ It Was For A Little While ]
[ She Was No Longer Able To Abuse Her Child ]
[ But Then Your Dad & His Girlfriend Got Into One Of
The Worst Fights ]
[ It Was Like This, For Many Nights ]
[ But Your Dad Thought That He Would Ruin All Of The Fun ]
[ He Left The Room ]
[ But Came Back With His Gun ]
[ He First Put It To His Girlfriends Head ]
[ Click … It Did Not Fire ]
[ It Worked On His Instead ]
[ How Much More Can You Take? ]
[ Why Did You Have To Be Awake? ]
[ Through All Of This, How Have You Been Able To Walk That Thin
Line? ]
[ Why Don’t You Spend Your Nights Passed Out From Too
Much Cheap Wine? ]
[ Why Don’t You Hate Life? ]
[ How Have You Made It Through More Than (25) Years With The
Same Wife? ]
[ It Is That Inner Drive ]
[ That Has Kept You Alive ]
[ You Have Never Abused Anyone ]
[ You Never Laid Your Hands On Your (18) Year Old Son ]
[ How Did You Not Turn To Drugs & Alcohol? ]
[ How Did You Keep That On The Other Side Of The Wall? ]
[ Your Older Sister Succumbed To Them ]
[ Your Younger Brother Had A Drinking Problem ]
[ You Were The (1) Out Of The (3) That Barbara Did Not Want To
Survive ]
[ But You Are The Only (1) That Is Still Alive ]
[ How? ]
[ Why Look @ This Now? ]
[ ? ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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Lopaka's Poetic Stories Blog 