(1183)▪︎[ A, B & C … 9•27•2019 ]

[ Learning To Think About Your Thinking ]
[ May Cause Some People To Start Drinking ]

[ If You Start To Think About Your Emotions ]
[ Will That Cause A Commotion? ]

[ The [ A ] Is The Event Or Antecedent ]
[ Is This Something For Which You Get Bent ]

[ The [ B ] Is The Belief Or The Bullshit You Tell Yourself ]
[ Is That Like The Tightening Of The Belt? ]
[ Which Can Cause Welts ]

[ The Emotion Does Not Come From The Event, But From
The Belief ]
[ If You Think About That ]
[ It Should Be A Big Relief ]

[ The [ C ] Is The Consequence Of The Belief For Some ]
[ Because People Can Believe One Way ]
[ & That Makes Them Look Dumb ]
[ & For That Minute, Hour Or Day ]
[ Wish That They Had Not Come ]

[ Sometimes People Need A Brain Check ]
[ Because Oftentimes In Their Mind ]
[ They Are A Train Wreck ]

[ Why Are You Getting Upset @ Someone That Is Not Even There ]
[ Because Wherever That Person Is ]
[ Do They Really Care? ]

[ Did They Actually Do Or Say What You Think They Did? ]
[ & Then Ran & Hid? ]
[ Is This Something Worthy Of Flipping Your Lid? ]

[ Does This Help You Get What You Really Want? ]
[ Or Are These Words Just A Taunt? ]

[ How Does One Work Towards What The Want In Life? ]
[ Do They First Must Have Harmony & Peace ]
[ Between You & The Wife? ]

[ For Those Who Think That They Can Have Complete Harmony &
Peace With Others ]
[ Should Go Back To Bed & Get Under The Covers ]

[ For What They’re Having Is But A Dream ]
[ & They Can Also Figure Out What’s Their Favorite Ice Cream ]
[ Or So It Seems ]

[ The Worst Thing That Can Be True About Anything, Is That It
Is Just True ]
[ Then YOU Have To Figure Out What To Do ]
[ Based On Your Values ]

[ & What Skills You Might Have @ That Time ]
[ Are Your Skills Worth A Penny Or A Dime? ]

[ Do You Need To Build New Skills? ]
[ & You’ll Find ]
[ That Change Does Not Always Kill ]
[ So In Your Mind ]
[ Does It Change The Story About Jack & Jill? ]
[ Was Jill Being Kind ]
[ When She Pushed Jack Down The Hill? ]

[ Or Maybe Jack Only Thought That Jill Was The Cause Of His
Trip & Fall ]
[ He’ll Let Someone Else Figure It Out ]
[ Once He Gives His Attorney A Call ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(1182)▪︎[ Why, Did I? … 9•26•2019 ]

[ Why, Oh Why, Do I Put Myself Into Such A Predicament? ]
[ It’s Almost Like I Always Need To Go Through An Incident ]

[ Before I Get My Point Across ]
[ & Then Everyone Is @ A Loss ]

[ Of Words To Say ]
[ That Even Goes For The Day After Today ]

[ Such As Tommorow ]
[ From Which We Borrow ]

[ The Energy To Survive ]
[ & Have Enough To Drive ]

[ This Car ]

[ But We Become Slack ]
[ When It Comes To Paying Tommorow Back ]

[ If You Borrow From Tomorrow’s Life Source ]
[ It’s Imperative That You Pay It Back Of Course ]

[ You Don’t Want Tomorrow To Be Empty & Hanging By
A Thread ]
[ That Is One Thought That I Dread ]
[ It Would Have Me Seeing Red ]
[ When The Next Day I See Myself On Death’s Bed ]

[ So I’ve Been Taught ]
[ To Not ]
[ Get Placed In That Hot ]
[ Of A Spot ]

[ & Instead Find A Nice, Cool Spot ]
[ Not One That Is Burning Hot ]

[ Where Does One Stand? ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(1235)▪︎[ This Is A Recording … 10•13•2019 ]

[ I Remember Putting On A Brave Face ]
[ To Hide The Symptoms Of Depression ]
[ I Always Felt Like A Disgrace ]
[ Because I Needed to Make A Confession ]

[ Whenever Someone Would Ask ]
[ [ HOW ARE THINGS? ] ]
[ I Wanted To Take Off My Mask ]
[ & Tell Them About The Guilt That Depression Brings ]

[ I Could Never Get Away From The Guilt Because It Was
Always On My Mind ]
[ Add My PTSD To The Mix ]
[ & It Seemed Like I Was Always On Rewind ]

[ PTSD Affects Me In Many Different Ways ]
[ & It Can Affect Me For Many Consecutive Days ]

[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ There Were Days Where All I Wanted To Do Was Shout ]
[ Because I Was Having Nightmares About Subjects That
I Knew Nothing About ]

[ Later In The Day The Subject Would Become Clear ]
[ I Was Having Nightmares About Things That I Fear ]

[ Can You Hear That? ]
[ I Can ]
[ I Just Don’t Know Where I’m @ ]
[ As A Man ]

[ Oh, I’ve Been Sitting Here All Of The Time ]
[ Having Flashbacks ]
[ In Between Writing Rhymes ]

[ What’s The Subject For The Day? ]
[ Even In My Confusion ]
[ My Thoughts Can Still Stay ]

[ But I Didn’t Want Or Need Them All ]
[ When One Wouldn’t Go Away ]
[ It Drove Me Up The Wall ]

[ How Do I Keep My Modesty & Sanity? ]
[ In A World Filled With ]
[ Insanity & Vanity? ]

[ That’s One Reason That I Try To Keep My Thoughts Wrapped
Up Nice & Tight ]
[ Because Sometimes When I Try To Verbalize Them ]
[ Things Don’t Quite ]
[ Sound Right ]

[ But Most Of The Time I Stay In My Head ]
[ So My Expressionless Face Can’t Be Read ]
[ But Then Complimentary Words Would Go Unsaid ]

[ Often My Home Was My De-Compression Zone ]
[ A Better Place ]
[ Was Never Known ]

[ I Had To Find Another Place Where I Felt As Safe As Before ]
[ Would I Ever Be Able To Find That Door? ]
[ Where It Was Safe To Walk On It’s Floor? ]

[ Now I Know A Place Where I Can Take My Thoughts & Park ]
[ It’s When I Go To Sleep In The Dark ]

[ When I Open My Eyes I’d Hear This Song ]
[ That Usually Told Me When Something Was Wrong ]
[ I’d Tell Myself (BE STRONG, BE STRONG) ]
[ Even When I Did Not Quite Know What Was Going On ]

[ When I Could Clearly See ]
[ I’d Find That There Is Nobody In The Room ]
[ With Me ]
[ Then I’d Wonder (HOW COULD THIS BE?) ]
[ I Figured Out That It Was Another Flashback ]
[ Caused By My PTSD ]

[ How Can I Get Away From This Disorder ]
[ That Is Like A Recorder ]

[ (SHUT DOWN! SHUT DOWN!) ]
[ Is What I Tell Myself ]
[ It Never Works, I’ve Found ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(844)▪︎[ Going To The E.D. … 10•4•2021 ]

[ I Was Told To Go Down To The E.D. Really Quick ]
[ So Right Now I Am Surrounded By Lots Of People
     That Are Sick ]

[ For The Evenings Entertainment, This Would Not Have Been My
     Very First Choice ]
[ It Does Not Matter Which Way That I Turn ]
[ I Am Surrounded By Noise ]

[ I Am Sweating Through My Second Set Of Clothes ]
[ What Is Wrong With Me ]
[ Nobody Knows ]

[ I Am Betting ]
[ It Might Have Something To Do With My Constant Sweating ]

[ It Has Always Been Crystal Clear ]
[ My Dr. Normally Does Not Send Me Here ]

[ We Were Surprised To Read That ]
[ But He Said That Is The Place I Needed To Be @ ]

[ It Zaps Me Of All Of My Willpower ]
[ To Hear Other People Saying That They Have Been Waiting For
     Several Hours ]

[ Just Now A Random Guy Came Up To Me Begging For Food ]
[ I Wanted To Say (DUDE … ) ]
[ (CHECK WHERE YOU ARE @!) Without Sounding Rude ]

[ This Has Not Been Very Thrilling ]
[ & These Cold Sweats Sure Are Extremely Chilling ]

[ When I Am Cold, That Means I Do Not Feel Well ]
[ For The Last (4) Days I Have Felt Like Hell ]
[ @ Least I Still Have My Sense Of Taste & Smell ]

[ So No Worry Of Having The ‘VID 19 Here ]
[ @ Least That Is (1) Thing To Cheer ]

[ About ]
[ But Not Shout ]
[ Out ]

[ I Would Not Want To Cause A Rift ]
[ & Have Someone Think That They Could Come & Give It To Me
     As A Gift ]

[ I Am Starting To Feel Tired ]
[ What I Wouldn’t Give ]
[ To Be Sitting Beside A Fire ]

[ My Clothes Feel Cold & Wet ]
[ The Wait Here Will Be Long I Bet ]

[ Oh How I Wish I Could Click My Heels Together & Say
    (THERE’s NO PLACE LIKE HOME!) ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(838)▪︎[ She Had A Good Thing Here … 10•3•2021 ]

[ So She Said That What She Was Doing Here Was Below Her
Skill-Set ]
[ She Was, One Of The Best You Had Ever Met ]

[ But Then She Started To Over Exaggerate Her Skills ]
[ The Many Days That She Missed ]
[ Did Not Even Pay Her Bills ]

[ Her Attendance Record Spoke For Itself ]
[ Can She Actually Show Up On Time Somewhere Else? ]

[ That Is One Thing That You Will Doubt ]
[ That Will Be One Thing That You Won’t Care To Find Out ]

[ A Person Like That Does Not Just Change Her Ways ]
[ In A Matter Of Days ]

[ Out Of 133 Possible Shifts, She Called Out Over 49 Times ]
[ That Sure Was Alot Of Lost Dimes ]

[ Is It Because You Really Wish For Her The Worst ]
[ If You Could ]
[ You Would Send Her A Curse ]

[ She Would Have Gotten Paid ]
[ If She Only Stayed ]

[ She Screwed You In The End ]
[ You Did Nothing But Bend ]

[ You Should Have Been Wary @ First ]
[ But You Always Tried Your Damndest To Help Quench Her
Thirst ]

[ You Fed Her Almost Every Shift ]
[ She Never Really Appreciated That Gift ]

[ When She Ate, Boy Did She Eat ]
[ Your Generosity Could Not Be Beat ]

[ She Looked A Gift Horse In The Mouth ]
[ When She Came Into Your House ]

[ It Is So Clear ]
[ That She Had A Great Thing Here ]

[ But She Did Not Care ]
[ Because She Chose To Take Her Horrible Attendance Elsewhere ]

[ Now She Is Someone Else’s Problem ]
[ Hmmm … Sucks To Be Them ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||

(843)▪︎[ No Sleep … 10•4•2021 ]

[ Everytime That You Go To Bed, Is It Always You -vs-
The Night? ]
[ Is Getting To Sleep Always A Fight? ]

[ When You Close Your Eyes, All You See Is Dark ]
[ The Difference Is Stark ]

[ Dreams Don’t Start ]
[ You Hear The Beats Of Your Heart ]

[ You Open Your Eyes ]
[ & Only (3) Minutes Has Ticked By ]

[ You Can’t Even Count Sheep ]
[ To Get To Sleep ]

[ That Just Doesn’t Work For You ]
[ If It Does Work ]
[ Than For Who? ]

[ You Take The Most Potent Sleep Medication There Is ]
[ It Is Right There, On The Top Of The List ]

[ After Drinking It, You Just Sit There & Wait ]
[ & Wait & Wait & Wait ]
[ You See That It Is Getting Late ]

[ So Much Time Goes By, It Becomes Early The Next Day ]
[ But You Keep Waiting To Drift Away ]

[ Then You Become A Prisoner To Your Medication ]
[ It Changes Your Thinking ]
[ Your Equilibrium Goes On Vacation ]

[ It Is A Very Potent, Mind Changing Drug ]
[ It Is Not A Warm Hug ]

[ It Tastes So Salty You Just Want To Drink It Really Fast ]
[ But The Taste Still Lasts ]

[ It Is Like Pouring ½ A Salt Shaker On Your Tongue ]
[ You Don’t Even Do That When You’re Young ]

[ The Minutes Just Drag On ]
[ ½ The Night Is Gone ]

[ Must You Hold Your Breath? ]
[ To Get Some Rest? ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(842)▪︎[ How? … 10•4•2021 ]

[ Just Because You Are Abused, Does Not Mean That You Will
Abuse ]
[ Just Because You Are Around Drugs ]
[ Does Not Always Mean That You Will Use ]

[ One Night Your Older Sister & Her Friends Tried To Get
You High ]
[ But You Flat Out Declined ]

[ You Put Up A Fight ]
[ Because You Did Not Think That It Was Right ]

[ They Thought It Was Their Place ]
[ To Blow Smoke In Your Face ]

[ You Kept These Facts ]
[ Of These Acts ]

[ Under Your Hat ]
[ & You Never Told Barbara About Any Of That ]

[ Statistics Find ]
[ That When You Are Abused As A Child ]
[ It Messes With Your Mind ]

[ You Were Horribly Abused By Barbara, The First ]
[ You Were Denied Food ]
[ & Water, To Quench Your Thirst ]

[ She Would Leave You For Hours On End ]
[ When Would She Come Back? ]
[ That Would Completely Depend ]

[ On How Much Needed To Be Done ]
[ Life As A Toddler ]
[ Was Not Alot Of Fun ]

[ She Would Feed & Nurture The Other Two ]
[ But There Was Nothing Left For You ]

[ You Were Starved So Long, You Grew An Distended
Belly ]
[ You Were Not Even Given Sandwiches Of Peanut Butter &
Jelly ]

[ Barbara Did Not Like You Much ]
[ For Many Days On End She Skipped Your Breakfast &
Lunch ]

[ It Was Not Because She Was Poor ]
[ Maybe She Wanted To See How Much Abuse You Could
Endure ]

[ Your Wicked, Abusive Mother ]
[ Doted On Your Older Sister ]
[ & Baby Brother ]

[ She Helped Them Thrive ]
[ All She Wanted To Do With You, Is Barely Keep You Alive ]

[ Your Father Heard About All Of This ]
[ & Came Back Over To Hawaii ]
[ To Grab You & Your Sis ]

[ After Barbara Signed Off Her Parental Rights For All
(3) Of Us ]
[ She Walked Out Of Court & Caught A Bus ]

[ To Never Be Seen Again ]
[ She Probably Thought That Was A Win-Win ]

[ It Was For A Little While ]
[ She Was No Longer Able To Abuse Her Child ]

[ But Then Your Dad & His Girlfriend Got Into One Of
The Worst Fights ]
[ It Was Like This, For Many Nights ]

[ But Your Dad Thought That He Would Ruin All Of The Fun ]
[ He Left The Room ]
[ But Came Back With His Gun ]

[ He First Put It To His Girlfriends Head ]
[ Click … It Did Not Fire ]
[ It Worked On His Instead ]

[ How Much More Can You Take? ]
[ Why Did You Have To Be Awake? ]

[ Through All Of This, How Have You Been Able To Walk That Thin
Line? ]
[ Why Don’t You Spend Your Nights Passed Out From Too
Much Cheap Wine? ]

[ Why Don’t You Hate Life? ]
[ How Have You Made It Through More Than (25) Years With The
Same Wife? ]

[ It Is That Inner Drive ]
[ That Has Kept You Alive ]

[ You Have Never Abused Anyone ]
[ You Never Laid Your Hands On Your (18) Year Old Son ]

[ How Did You Not Turn To Drugs & Alcohol? ]
[ How Did You Keep That On The Other Side Of The Wall? ]

[ Your Older Sister Succumbed To Them ]
[ Your Younger Brother Had A Drinking Problem ]

[ You Were The (1) Out Of The (3) That Barbara Did Not Want To
Survive ]
[ But You Are The Only (1) That Is Still Alive ]

[ How? ]
[ Why Look @ This Now? ]

[ ? ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(841)▪︎[ Not Your Turn, Yet … 10•3•2021 ]

[ When You Wake Up In The Morning Are You Destined
     To Live Up To Your Potential? ]
[ When You Think Back Into Your Past ]
[ Who Was Influential? ]

[ Who Helped Pave Your Path Up To Now? ]
[ Who Helped You In Life? ]
[ Who Showed You How? ]

[ How To Maneuver Around The Curves? ]
[ Who Taught You How To Steady Your Nerves? ]

[ What Got You Out Of Bed To Thrive? ]
[ Was It Internal Drive? ]

[ It All Comes Down To The Reflection In The Mirror ]
[ It Was Always You That Got You To Right Here ]

[ Don Certainly Was Not Your Strong Male Role Model ]
[ He Did Quite The Opposite ]
[ Of Love & Coddle ]

[ He Basically Told You That You Were On Your Own ]
[ He Never Took The Time To Show Any Love ]
[ Or Ever Throw You A Bone ]

[ You Had To Learn From The Few Friends That You Had ]
[ You Envied The Relationships That They Had With Their Dads ]

[ Don Would Take You To Your Games, But He Would Never
     Stay ]
[ All Through The Many Seasons Of Competing In Sports ]
[ He Never Wanted To See You Play ]

[ That Was Just The Way He Was ]
[ No Rhyme Or Reason ]
[ He Was That Way Just Because ]

[ You Learned The Ways Of The World By Watching Other
     Adult Men Interact ]
[ You Would Watch Something Happen ]
[ Then You Would See How They React ]

[ No One Was Around To Tell You Not To Step There ]
[ When You’d Fall ]
[ Don Did Not Care ]

[ You Figured Out How To Interact With Others ]
[ By Watching Others ]

[ That Was Plain & Simple ]
[ You Never Throw A Stone Into A Calm Pond ]
[ Just To Watch It Ripple ]

[ Try To Behave ]
[ By Not Making Waves ]

[ You Might Be Slow ]
[ But It Has Always Been Your Internal Drive That Makes You Go ]

[ You Were Never Taught How To Be A Father Or A Husband ]
[ Sometimes You Don’t Know How To Unwind ]
[ When You Get All Wound Up Like A Tight Rubber Band]

[ It Is Hard Not To Put That Big Wall Up & Go Within ]
[ It Is Tough To Know That You Can’t Talk To Any Kin ]

[ They Are All Gone & Dead ]
[ In Your Head ]

[ You Center Your Life ]
[ On Your Few Friends & Wife ]

[ When You Close Your Eyes @ Night ]
[ Please Remember … ]
[ It Is Not Your Turn To Walk Towards The Light ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(825)▪︎[ Be Gentle … 9•29•2021 ]

[ As The Water Gently Flows ]
[ So Goes ]

[ The Day ]
[ In A Way ]

[ Nobody Can Tell ]
[ When & Where You Fell ]

[ Do You Talk About Your Skinned Knee? ]
[ To He Or She? ]

[ No You Don’t, It Seems ]
[ Because No One Reacted To Your Screams ]

[ A Head Out The Door To Take A Peek ]
[ Nobody Listens To You When You Speak ]

[ Nobody Has Heard ]
[ A Single Word ]

[ That You Say ]
[ During The Day ]

[ Or Night ]
[ So, Please Do Not Pick Another Fight ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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(824)▪︎[ Pull Your Pants Up! … 9•29•2021 ]

[ What Is The Point Of Wearing His Pants So Low? ]
[ Is It Always To Show ]
[ The Brand Of His Underwear ]
[ For All To Know? ]

[ What Is The Purpose For The Belt? ]
[ Is That So His Butt Won’t Melt? ]

[ You Are Not Curious Of The Brand Or Size ]
[ Maybe It Is So His Butt Will Have A Disguise? ]

[ Disguise From What? ]
[ That He Has An Irregular Butt? ]

[ You Don’t Care ]
[ For Him To Share ]

[ That, He Can Keep To Himself ]
[ So He Does Not Have To Give That HUGE Bit Of Information
     To Anyone Else ]

[ Not Too Many Others Have The Guts ]
[ To Bare Their Butts ]

[ Some Would Be Harassed ]
[ If They Went Around Showing People Their Ass ]

[ But Then, There Are Some Cute Ones Out There That You Would
     Like To Stop & Touch ]
[ Not For Very Long ]
[ & Not Too Much ]

[ Those Cute Butts Are Few & Far In-Between ]
[ & Those Butts Are Not Just On The Bodies Of A Teen ]

[ Since You Are A Man, You Don’t Think That Male Butts Are Nice
     To Look @ ]
[ Most Of Them You Would Guess ]
[ Are All Hairy & Fat ]

[ You Would Think That This Would Be All The Rage For Male
     Teens ]
[ Once You See A Males Buttcrack ]
[ That Is Something That You Can’t Un-See ]

[ Why Wouldn’t Adult Men Grow Out Of This Teen Fad? ]
[ Adult Men, Still Wearing Their Pants Like This, Is Kind
     Of Sad ]
[ Pulling Their Pants Up, Would Not Look All That Bad ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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