2025 ]

[ Have You Ever Felt That You Are In The Middle Of The “Sea of Humanity” Just Sitting In A Liferaft Without A Set Of Oars? ]
[ Running Away From The Land ]
[ Because There Is Nothing Left For You That Is Positive On Any Of The Oceans Shore’s ]

[ You Have Tried To Drive Away ]
[ But That Only Lasted For A Day ]
[ Because In Some Way ]

[ It Didn’t Feel Right ]
[ For You To Take Your Fight ]
[ Well Into The Night ]

[ When You Set Out On Your Raft ]
[ Those That You Felt Were Friends ]
[ Stood @ The Shore & Laughed ]

[ By The Time That You Started Looking For Your Oars, It Was Too Late ]
[ For You To Anticipate ]
[ The Waves ]
[ That Would Dictate ]
[ Your Fate ]

[ What To Do? ]
[ What To Do? ]
[ The Waves Are Starting To Look Green ]
[ Because The Sky No Longer Looked Blue ]

[ All You See Now Are Dark Clouds ]
[ It Reminds You Of Those Many Times ]
[ When You Felt Alone Being In Crowds ]

[ There Would Be Chattering All Around You ]
[ Making It Sound Like You Were Standing By A Chicken Coop ]
[ But This Is Nothing New ]
[ You Know This Type Of Group ]

[ They Are There To Demoralize ]
[ They Try To Emphasize ]
[ That They Never Empathize ]
[ As They Cut You Down To Size ]
[ & Dehumanize ]

[ The Main Problem? ]
[ That Is The Most Positive Side To Them ]

[ The Up & Down Motion Of The Waves ]
[ Are In Control Of Your Life ]
[ It Is How Mother Nature Shows How She Can Misbehave ]
[ & Not Be So Nice ]

[ When You Try To Look Towards The South ]
[ The Waves Throw Water Into Your Mouth ]

[ When You Try To Look To The North ]
[ You Sit Down Quickly ]
[ Because The Waves Keep Tossing Your Raft Back & Forth ]

[ You Have No Idea In Which Direction You Are Going ]
[ It Is Really Tough Not Knowing ]
[ Now The Wind Is Blowing ]

[ Coming In From The East ]
[ Not Letting You Rest ]
[ So Your Mind Is Not @ Peace ]

[ You Start Trying To Clear Your Mind ]
[ Oh, How You Wish That Someone Would Throw You A Life Line ]
[ But You Know That Won’t Happen ]
[ Because Humanity Is Not That Kind ]

Mahalo Nui Loa
Na,
Lopaka DeVoe

(565)▪︎[ No More Pain … 7•9•2021 ]

[ Suicide Is Very Prevalent, In Today’s Society ]
[ It Can Be A Mental Disorder, Where People Suffer Quietly ]

[ As They Go Quietly In The Night ]
[ Because They Give Up ]
[ & Quit The Fight ]

[ Sometimes It Is Because They Have No More Energy To Keep
Fighting ]
[ So They Put Down Their Pen ]
[ After They Are Done Writing ]

[ Their Suicide Note ]
[ Then They Read, What They Just Wrote ]

[ They Wrote That Nothing Makes Them Happy, Anymore ]
[ Not Even A Friend, Walking Through The Door ]

[ Sometimes Days On End ]
[ Are Stayed Covered Up, In Their Bed ]

[ Only Getting Up For Drinks Or Food ]
[ Thinking That Whatever They Say, Will Be Misunderstood ]

[ Getting Up Fewer & Fewer Times, As The Hours Tick By ]
[ Because Of Their Depressive Moods ]
[ No One Comes By, To Say ( HI ) ]

[ The More Days That People Stay Away ]
[ The Less They Eat ]
[ & The Less That They Weigh ]

[ Sometimes Suicidal Thoughts, Consume Them ]
[ Getting Away From The Suicidal Thoughts, Becomes A Problem ]

[ Once They Have Decided To Take Their Pills ]
[ A Feeling Of Warmth, Pushes Out The Chills ]

[ Then They Quietly Lay Down & Close Their Eyes ]
[ No Longer Having To Listen, To Anymore Lies ]

[ When They Are Found, They Are Gone ]
[ Their Soul Has Moved On ]

[ Then, There Is No More Pain ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(30)▪︎[ No Ability … 1•9•2021 ]

[ I Have No Stability ]
[ I Feel That I Don’t Have The Ability ]

[ To Get Or Be Stable ]
[ Just Flat Out Unable ]

[ I Absolutely Have No Say ]
[ On The Way ]
[ Things Go During The Day ]

[ I Have To Vent ]
[ About Being Bent ]
[ Because Of How Things Went ]

[ In One Ear ]
[ & Out The Other ]
[ About Who Is Supposed To Be Here ]

[ From This Point On ]
[ My Security Blanket Is Gone ]

[ How Do I Get Things Back Under My Control? ]
[ Because This Is Putting A Hole ]
[ In The Middle Of My Soul ]

[ My Shining Light ]
[ Is Always My Wife ]
[ But She Is Gone Most Of The Day ]
[ & Won’t Be Home Until Late Into The Night ]

[ Strangers Are Coming Into My Home Once Again ]
[ Will They Be Coming In ]
[ To Commit A Sin? ]

[ Or Two Or Four ]
[ Stealing My Property ]
[ As They Walk Out The Front Door? ]

[ Maybe I Should Hole Up In My Room & Close The Door ]
[ Because Sometimes I Can’t Take It Anymore ]

[ So I Just Spend My Time Alone ]
[ & Write Story After Story On My Phone ]
[ Oh Wait, What Is That Noise? ]
[ Oh, Okay, It Was Just The Dial Tone ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(1041)▪︎[ How It Affects Me … 8•11•19 ]

[ When PTSD Hit Me Right In The Face ]
[ I Checked Out Of The Human Race ]
[ The Memory Of That One Fateful Day Is What
I Couldn’t Erase ]

[ All Of A Sudden I Thought Living Was A Waste ]
[ My Thoughts Were Moving Like Paste ]
[ So I Gave Suicide A Taste ]

[ 5, 6, 7 Attempts ]
[ I Was So Depressed & Unkept ]

[ It Totally Sunk Me Into The Dark ]
[ Everybody Was In Drive ]
[ While I Stayed Stuck In Park ]

[ The Drive Inside Me Totally Died ]
[ If I Told You [ I WANT TO LIVE ] ]
[ I Smiled & I Lied ]

[ I Had No Fight ]
[ I Had No Internal Fire ]
[ When I Sat In A Room I Didn’t Turn On The Light ]
[ I Became A Bad Liar ]
[ Because I Failed To Know Wrong From Right ]
[ I Became As Useful As A Flat Tire ]
[ I Was A Sad Sight ]
[ Who Never Should Have Been Admired ]

[ @ Times I’d Feel So Ill ]
[ All I Thought About Was Swallowing A Handful Of Pills ]

[ For My Family I Was One Big Minus ]
[ For So Many Moments ]
[ I Wasn’t @ My Finest ]

[ All I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone ]
[ I Was Cold Down To My Bones ]
[ When People Talked To Me ]
[ I Didn’t Like Their Tone ]

[ The Voices Inside Of My Head Were So Loud ]
[ Physically I Was All By Myself ]
[ Mentally I Was Stuck In The Middle Of A Crowd ]

[ I Was A Shell Of The One That Lived & Thrived Until 2002 ]
[ When I Looked In The Mirror ]
[ There Was The Reflection Of A Man That I Never Knew ]

[ I Was Put Through 10 Painfull Sessions Of E.C.T. ]
[ Afterwards My Head Pounded ]
[ & My Vision Was Blurry ]

[ The Real Me Was Trapped Inside My Ill Mind ]
[ I Didn’t Know Sanity From My Own Behind ]

[ What Turned Around My Head ]
[ Was When I Went Unconscious Because Of Counter-
Active Meds ]

[ Days Turned Into Weeks Which Then Became Months & Years ]
[ When Left All Alone In The Dark I Shed Alot Of Tears ]
[ The Voices In My Head Only Shined A Spot Light On My Fears ]

[ The P.T.S.D. Still Haunts My Days & Nights ]
[ The Sounds, The Smells & The Sights ]
[ Continues Giving Me Extreme Fright ]

[ Healing From P.T.S.D. Oftentimes Never Happens ]
[ Bad Night After Night Totally Dampens ]

[ My Resolve ]
[ Because Sometimes The Problem Is Never Solved ]
[ & For Those Involved ]

[ It’s One Long Waiting Game ]
[ The Name’s The Same ]
[ But Is The Blame? ]

[ The Way P.T.S.D. Affects Some ]
[ Is By Breaking Them Down So They Do Something Dumb ]
[ & Then When It’s Time To Get Together ]
[ They Don’t Want To Come ]

[ I Don’t Know If I’m Supposed To Thank ]
[ The System That Makes Me Draw A Blank ]

[ I Feel That P.T.S.D. Will Always Be With Me ]
[ Maybe Not Affecting Me Day After Day ]
[ But In My Memory ]

[ My Memory Seems To Be A Problem, Some Have Said ]
[ This Time The Problem IS All In My Head ]

[ My Memory Is Part Of The Reason I Don’t Move On ]
[ I Wish The Nightmares Would Be Gone ]
[ My Brain Makes Me Feel Like A Pawn ]

[ In A Game I Never Wanted To Play ]
[ But The P.T.S.D. Made Me Stay ]
[ I Wanted To Find Any Way ]

[ To Get Off Of The Merry-Go-Round ]
[ That Keeps Me From Having My Feet Firmly On The Ground ]

[ If It Wasn’t For My Strong Wife ]
[ I Wouldn’t Be Around Enjoying This Life ]

[ Then I Met A Counselor Who Kicked My Butt ]
[ She Wouldn’t Just Let Me Sit On The Couch Asking [ WHAT? ] ]

[ Then I Met An N.P. That Said, [ YOU’re TAKING TOO MUCH ] ]
[ So That Gave Me A Hunch ]
[ That I Needed To Pack A Lunch ]
[ Because This Woman Packs A Punch ]

[ They Jumped Right In ]
[ & Told Me To Begin Again ]

[ Their Goal Was To Make Me Whole ]
[ To Figure Out My Role ]

[ In The Family ]
[ & Society ]

[ P.T.S.D. Still Has An Affect ]
[ But More & More I Have Time To Reflect ]
[ About The Effect ]

[ It Has In My World ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]