(1311)▪︎[ Hope May Not Be … 11•12•2019 ]

[ Sometimes Hope Is A Terrible Thing To Give ]
[ When Someone Is So Depressed ]
[ They Don’t Want To Be Forced To Live ]

[ Living Is The Last Thing That Is On Their Mind ]
[ If Only They Had The Power To Rewind ]

[ The Quest For Hope ]
[ Can Be Washed Away As Fast ]
[ As Water Washes Away Soap ]

[ They Could Tell You To (SHUT THE FRONT DOOR) ]
[ Because They Don’t Want To Hear Anymore ]
[ Then What Are You Saying That For ]

[ For Recognition? ]
[ For Validation? ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[  Mahalo E Ka hoa  ]
[  A hui hou  ]
[ Aloha  ]

[  Na  ]
[  Lopaka DeVoe  ]

||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||

(745)▪︎[ A Shiny Dime … 9•3•2021 ]

[ The Phone Rings, But All That You Hear Is A Dial Tone ]
[ That Makes You Feel So Much More Alone ]

[ No Music Or Voice ]
[ Not Any Type Of Noise ]

[ That Keeps Happening Throughout The Day ]
[ You Are Trying To Find Someplace To Lift Your Spirits ]
[ But You Cannot Find The Way ]

[ You Feel Lost & Your House Seems So Large & Vacant ]
[ Oh How You Wish You Could Get On The Phone ]
[ & Have Someone Come Over In An Instant ]

[ People Have Moved All Around The State ]
[ Maybe You Feel That This Was Fate ]

[ Or Maybe Karma Catching Up To You Because Of Your
     Raucous Childhood ]
[ When You Always Thought That You Were Vastly
     Misunderstood ]

[ You Tried To Buck Against The System Every Chance You
     Got ]
[ Everytime, That You Were Put On The Spot ]

[ So Now You Spend Your Nights Making Wishes On
     Falling Stars ]
[ You Have Never Taken A Drink When You Were By Yourself ]
[ & You Do Not Want To Hit The Bars ]

[ The Last Drink You Took Was Over 25 Years Ago ]
[ Alot Of People, Through The Years Had Tried To Entice You ]
[ But The Answer Was Always A Simple (NO) ]

[ Getting Drunk Was Never Your Thing ]
[ In Your World ]
[ Alcohol Was Not Your King ]

[ The Silence Gets Loud @ Night ]
[ Especially When The Darkness Takes Your Sight ]

[ Your Hearing Takes The Place Of Your Eyes ]
[ Your Head Remembers All Of The Lies ]

[ How Do You Replace The Silence With Conversation? ]
[ Whenever You Meet Someone New ]
[ You Have Your Reservations ]

[ Your Guard Is Always Up @ First ]
[ & A Simple Taste Of Water Will Quench Your Thirst ]

[ You Fill Your Days Up By Taking Long Walks ]
[ & Silent Talks ]

[ You Feel That You Can Feel & Hear Your Heartbeat @
     The Same Time ]
[ It Was A Good Walk Yesterday, Because You Found A
     Shiny Dime ]

[ Oh, To Want So Much ]
[ Then You Receive So Little ]
[ Of The Human Touch ]

[ You Have So Much To Give ]
[ In The Manner Of Which You Live ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[  Mahalo E Ka hoa  ]
[  A hui hou  ]
[ Aloha  ]

[  Na  ]
[  Lopaka DeVoe  ]

||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||

(676)▪︎[ Outside Of The Norm … 8•12•2021 ]

[ It May Not Be So Sappy ]
[ That You Don’t Have To Be Okay ]
[ To Strive To Be Happy ]

[ It Is Okay, To Feel Sad ]
[ It Is Okay, To Feel Bad ]

[ Depending On The Reason ]
[ Not The Season ]

[ It Is Okay To Not Always Be @ The Top Of Your Game ]
[ Everyday ]
[ There Is No One To Blame ]
[ On Why Things Might Be That Way ]

[ It Is Okay If You Are Not In The Mood To Talk ]
[ As We Take A Silent Walk ]

[ Silence Is Nice When Others Around You No Why ]
[ You Do Not Need To Smile & Lie ]

[ Be Honest With Those Around You ]
[ Don’t Play Them Like A Fool ]
[ Maybe They Are Not Okay, Too ]

[ & They Look To You For Guidance ]
[ & Being A Good Alliance ]
[ Not Giving Them Defiance ]

[ More Than A Few People Are Not Okay In Some Form ]
[ Because It Is Okay To Live Outside Of The Norm ]

[ If You Are Not Hurting Yourself ]
[ Or Anybody Else ]

[ It Is Quite Okay ]
[ Anyday ]
[ To Not Be Okay ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[  Mahalo  ]
[  A hui hou  ]
[ Aloha  ]

[  Na  ]
[  Lopaka DeVoe  ]

||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||

(1235)▪︎[ This Is A Recording … 10•13•19 ]

[ I Remember Putting On A Brave Face ]
[ To Hide The Symptoms Of Depression ]
[ I Always Felt Like A Disgrace ]
[ Because I Needed to Make A Confession ]

[ Whenever Someone Would Ask ]
[ [ HOW ARE THINGS? ] ]
[ I Wanted To Take Off My Mask ]
[ & Tell Them About The Guilt That Depression Brings ]

[ I Could Never Get Away From The Guilt Because It Was
Always On My Mind ]
[ Add My PTSD To The Mix ]
[ & It Seemed Like I Was Always On Rewind ]

[ PTSD Affects Me In Many Different Ways ]
[ & It Can Affect Me For Many Consecutive Days ]

[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ There Were Days Where All I Wanted To Do Was Shout ]
[ Because I Was Having Nightmares That Had To Do With Subjects That
I Knew Nothing About ]

[ Later In The Day The Subject Would Become Clear ]
[ I Was Having Nightmares About Things That I Fear ]

[ Can You Hear That? ]
[ I Can ]
[ I Just Don’t Know Where I’m @ ]
[ As One Man ]

[ Oh, I’ve Been Sitting Here All Of The Time ]
[ Having Flashbacks ]
[ In Between Writing Rhymes ]

[ What’s The Subject For The Day? ]
[ Even In My Confusion ]
[ My Thoughts Can Sit Still & Stay ]

[ But I Didn’t Want Or Need Them All ]
[ When One Wouldn’t Go Away ]
[ It Drove Me Up The Wall ]

[ How Do I Keep My Modesty & Sanity? ]
[ In A World Filled With ]
[ Insanity & Vanity? ]

[ That’s One Reason That I Try To Keep My Thoughts Wrapped
Up Nice & Tight ]
[ Because Sometimes When I Try To Verbalize Them ]
[ Things Don’t Quite ]
[ Sound Right ]

[ But Most Of The Time I Stay In My Head ]
[ So My Expressionless Face Can’t Be Read ]
[ & Complimentary Words Would Go Unsaid ]

[ Often My Home Was My De-Compression Zone ]
[ A Better Place ]
[ Was Never Known ]

[ I Had To Find Another Place Where I Felt As Safe As Before ]
[ Would I Ever Be Able To Find That Door? ]
[ Where It Was Safe To Walk On It’s Floor? ]

[ Now I Know A Place Where I Can Take My Thoughts & Park ]
[ It’s When I Go To Sleep In The Dark ]

[ When I Open My Eyes I’d Hear This Song ]
[ That Usually Told Me When Something Was Wrong ]
[ I’d Tell Myself [ BE STRONG, BE STRONG ] ]
[ Even When I Did Not Quite Know What Was Going On ]

[ When I Could Clearly See ]
[ I’d Find That There Is Nobody In The Room ]
[ With Me ]
[ Then I’d Wonder [ HOW COULD THIS BE? ] ]
[ I Figured Out That It Was Another Flashback ]
[ Caused By My PTSD ]

[ How Can I Get Away From This Disorder ]
[ That Is Like Playing A Recorder ]

[ [ SHUT DOWN! SHUT DOWN! ]
[ Is What I Tell Myself ]
[ But It Never Works, I’ve Found ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]   ‎ 
  ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]