(350)▪︎[ Giving Up … 8-15-2025 ]

[ You Feel Like You Are Giving Up ]
[ You Are Catching Your Tears ]
[ By Using Your Coffee Cup ]

[ You Are Feeling Like Your Life Source ]
[ Seems To Be Leaving Your Body ]
[ It Feels Like You Do Not Have Any Kind Of Protective Force ]
[ Keeping Your Head From Getting Foggy ]

[ You Have Tried All Of Your Adult Life ]
[ To Be A Good Husband, Father, Friend & Man ]
[ To Others, Like Your Son & Your Wife ]
[ While Also Wishing That They Would Become Your Biggest Fans ]

[ The Sparkle Has Been Leaving Your Eyes ]
[ For Several Years Now ]
[ Only You Can See Your Pain & Hear Your Cries ]
[ You Would Like To Express This To Others, But You Do Not Know How ]

[ Everyone Is Way To Busy ]
[ To See Your Pain ]
[ To Others They Might See You As Lazy ]
[ & A Little Bit Insane ]
[ Some People That Knows You, Might Want To Call You Crazy ]
[ But Thankfully, Most Of Them Refrain ]

[ Sometimes All You Hear Is The Riot ]
[ In Your Head ]
[ Why Can’t You Have A Single Night Of Quiet ]
[ Instead? ]

[ The Other Times Your Thoughts Are Like A Spinning Top ]
[ There Have Been Many That You Will Feel Like A Flop ]
[ Whenever That Happens ]
[ It Is So Obvious That Is The Reason Why Your Self-Esteem Will Take A Sudden Drop ]

[ Your Marriage Feels Like It Is Falling ]
[ Off A Cliff ]
[ Nobody Ever Feels Like Calling ]
[ To Give You That Much Needed Lift ]

[ You Used To Have ]
[ So Many Names In Your Rolodex ]
[ Now You Don’t Even See ½ ]
[ That Many Names To Text ]

[ When You Are Smack Dab In The Middle Of A Major Crisis ]
[ You Reach For One Of Your Electronic Devices ]

[ But When You Look Through Your Contacts List ]
[ You Have No Idea Who To Call ]
[ When You Get Upset You Clench Your Fists ]
[ All That Does Is Make You Flashback To When Frustration Caused You To Hit A Wall ]

[ But You Are Not Angry, You Are Emotionally Hurt ]
[ You Start To Feel That Your Blood Pressure Has Bottomed Out ]
[ Will Anyone Be Able To See Your Broken Heart Through Your Shirt? ]
[ That Is Just One Of The Many Things That You Doubt ]

[ Your Wife Has Said That She Hates What You Have Changed ]
[ Into ]
[ Nobody Understands What Your Brain ]
[ Has Been Through ]

[ Maybe Your Thought Process ]
[ Cannot Be Fixed ]
[ That Causes You To Feel Lost ]
[ Because You Feel As Strong As A House That Has Been Built With Match Sticks ]

[ When You Text, “I Give Up” To Your Friends, That Was A Cry For Help ]
[ Now You Feel Like You Should Have Kept Your Vulnerability ]
[ On A Garage Shelf ]
[ Because Someone With Your Type Of Personality ]
[ Should Have Reached Out On “Yelp” ]

[ You Have Kind Of Felt ]
[ Throughout The Years That You Are Like An Aquired Taste ]
[ Your Inner Circle Is Getting Smaller Like The Tightening Of The Belt ]
[ That You Wear Around Your Waist ]

[ It Is Not Crystal Clear ]
[ Where Things Will Be Going From Here ]

[ You Really Have To Get Your Thoughts Straight ]
[ You Cannot Wait ]
[ You Need To Take Your Future, Your Fate ]
[ Into Your Own Hands ]
[ Post Haste ]

[ Get Back To Living As “One” With Your Spouse ]
[ So You Will Have, Once Again ]
[ A Harmonious House ]
[ Right When Your Days Begin ]
[ Stop Being A Grouch ]
[ Do Things That Can Be Looked @ As A “Win-Win” ]

~ Ka hopena ~

Mahalo nui loa
Aloha

Na
Lopaka DeVoe

(•)||▪︎•▪︎•▪︎||●||•▪︎•▪︎••▪︎•▪︎•||●||▪︎•▪︎•▪︎||(•)

(308)▪︎[ P.T.S.D. Never Sets You Free … 2026 ]

[ Some Say That When You Have A Good Memory, You Should Enjoy What You’ve Got ]
[ Not ]
[ When P.T.S.D. Puts You On The Spot ]

[ One Different Thing About P.T.S.D. Is How It Makes You Feel ]
[ Because The Flashback’s Seem So Real ]

[ It Can Make You Ill ]
[ Like Unintentionally Rolling Down A Hill ]

[ It Is Not A Sneeze Or A Cough ]
[ That Makes You Feel So Off ]

[ All Of A Sudden Your Sub-Conscience ]
[ Is Playing With Your Brain While You Are Conscious ]

[ In The Day When You Have A Flashback It Feels Like A Really Bad Dream ]
[ The Only Thing That Wakes You Is The Sounds Of Your Own Scream ]

[ These Are Alot Worse Than Your Typical Nightmare ]
[ Nobody Else Cares ]
[ You Are The One Person Who Knows The “Who, What & Where?” ]

[ P.T.S.D. Is Not An Honor Club That You Want To Join ]
[ There Is Not A Single Moment During A Flashback That You Enjoy ]

[ P.T.S.D. Is Not Only From Being Involved In A Military War ]
[ It Can Happen To Anyone, From Shore To Shore ]
[ All It Takes Is Some Kind Involvement In An Incident That Rocked You To Your Core ]

[ Most People Have Never Understood ]
[ In A Small Kind Of Way, That Is Good ]

[ The Ones With P.T.S.D. Can Often Become ]
[ Numb ]
[ To It ]
[ That Doesn’t Make Them Dumb ]
[ About The Least Little Bit ]

[ A Flashback Can Hit You Out Of Nowhere ]
[ & Carry You Back To Somewhere ]
[ To A Place You Wished That You Were Never There ]

[ You Go Back To The Sights, Sounds & Sometimes Smell ]
[ You Know This Is Happening ]
[ When You Start To Not Feel Very Well ]

[ Then Your Mind Goes Off To The Races ]
[ All Of A Sudden You Remember How Many Paces ]
[ You Took ]
[ & All The Faces ]
[ Are As Clear As If You Were Picking Them Out Of A Yearbook ]
[ You Remember All The Shapes & Spaces ]
[ Because That Is Where Your Memory Is Forcing You To Look ]

[ You Are Unable To Look Away ]
[ Because P.T.S.D. Is All In The Mind ]
[ In The Weirdest Way ]
[ Your Memory Will Be Stuck On Rewind ]

[ Then Cognitive Dissonance Is What You Get ]
[ Because Since You Were Young ]
[ You Were Told To Not Forget ]
[ Whenever You Forgot It Really Stung ]

[ Everytime The Flashbacks Make You Cry ]
[ Forgetting Is What You Try ]
[ To Do ]
[ @ This Point & Time You Could Not Even Afford To Buy ]
[ A Clue ]

[ Sometimes P.T.S.D. Can Make You Suicidal ]
[ Or Even Homicidal ]
[ There Is Nothing About P.T.S.D. That’s Comical ]
[ Or Sets You Up To Become Somebody’s Idol ]

[ Some People Really Fall ]
[ & Fail ]
[ They Either Turn To Pills Or Alcohol ]
[ Then Do Something Stupid & Wind Up In Jail ]

[ Then You Feel Like You Are Holding The Dreaded Ace Of Spades ]
[ Because When Your Brain Is In The Clouds ]
[ & You Get Overcome With This Haze ]
[ All You Wish For Is That These Memories Will Fade ]
[ But You Have Come To Know That P.T.S.D. Is Not Just A Faze ]

~ Ka hopena ~

Mahalo nui loa
A hui hou kaua e kuu hoa

Na,
Lopaka DeVoe

~ Aloha ~

▪︎ •• •• ▪︎

[ 253 ][ They Are Unable To Dream … 3•28•2021 ]

[ Some People Say That Kids In Foster Care Do Not Dream ]
[ They Feel Insecure Of Their Future It Seems ]

[ Never Knowing ]
[ When To Pack Up Their Belongings ]
[ Or Where They Will Be Going ]

[ Could It Be To A Farm In The Country? ]
[ Or An Apartment In The City? ]

[ Their Whole Life Up To That Point Had Been One Of
     Transition ]
[ For A Scared Young Child ]
[ That Puts Them In An Unstable Position ]

[ These Children Do Not Dream Because They Do Not
     Know What They Could Dream Of ]
[ A Welcoming Home? ]
[ A New Family Full Of Love? ]

[ How Can A Child Dream Of Something That They Don’t
      Have Any Experience In? ]
[ When They Try To Succeed In Life, They Never Win ]

[ Kids Go Into Their Next Placement Totally Blind ]
[ How Do Others Think How That Affects Their Young
       Minds? ]

[ There Eyes & Minds Are Blurry ]
[ Their Whole Life Seems To Be In A Hurry ]

[ But It Is Not ]
[ & Their Personal Belongings That They’ve Got ]
[ Is Never Alot ]

[ Night Or Day ]
[ They Never Have A Say ]

[ Kids Have Zero Control ]
[ They Do Not See Their Role ]

[ Or Where They Fit ]
[ They Get Whatever They Get ]

[ & If They Go To A House Where A Family Already Exists ]
[ They Do Whatever The Parents Insists ]

[ What They Want Them To Do ]
[ Not Understanding Any Social Cues ]

[ Kids Can Be The Victims Of A Broken System ]
[ The One Thing That Is Supposed To Help Them ]

[ Kids Are Put In The System Not Of Their Own Free
     Will ]
[ No One Leaves A Family For Excitement & Thrills ]

[ @ Any Age ]
[ Causing So Much Pain & Pent Up Rage ]

[ Kids In Foster Care Never Have An Outlet ]
[ For All Of The Frustration They Get ]

[ Kids Never Have A Solid Foot On The Ground ]
[ Because They Are Always Being Moved Around ]

[ The State ]
[ The Game Is One Big Wait ]

[ Waiting For The Next Knock On The Front Door ]
[ Not Knowing What Is In Store ]

[ Next ]
[ Not Being Told Through A Phone Call ]
[ Or Read To Them From A Text ]

[ Every New Family Is Like A Long Roll Of The Dice ]
[ Not Knowing If The Other Kids Will Be Mean Or Nice ]

[ Sometimes A Family Can Be Really Nice When You
     Are New ]
[ But Then Turn Into The Worst Ones, Too ]

[ Kids Have Very Little That They Own ]
[ & In New Placements Feel Completely Alone ]

[ In The Back Of Their Minds The Thought Is Always There ]
[ That @ Any Moment The Child Could Be Moved Elsewhere ]

[ Foster Kids Feel That They Have To Be On Their Best
      Behavior & Shouldn’t Do Anything Wrong ]
[ Since The Bond Is Not Strong ]

[ They Could Be Removed ]
[ Not Soothed ]

[ Children Have Dreams Of Possibilities That Could Occur ]
[ Children In Foster Care Are Never Sure ]
[ Of Their Future ]

~ The End ~

[ Auhea kuʻu hoaaloha ]
[ Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei wau e pono ai e lawe i kēia moʻolelo
     i kahi hopena ]

[ Mahalo no ka hoʻoloheʻana i kaʻu mau moʻolelo ]
[ No laila,ʻoiaʻiʻo,ʻo ia ka mea ]

[ A hui hou aku ]
     ‎    ‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

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