(023)▪︎[ To Your Only Brother … 2024 ]

[ Dear Brother Brent ]

[ You Wish You Could Have Been With Him The Night That He Went ]
[ Maybe You Could Have Camped Outside Of Their Apartment ]
[ In A Tent ]

[ Into His Deep ]
[ Restful Sleep ]

[ Hardly A Day Goes By ]
[ When He Is Not Close To Your Thoughts ]
[ Making You Want To Break Down & Have Yet ANOTHER Good Cry ]

[ What Good Would That Do You? ]
[ Nothing Good Comes From One Though ]
[ How Would You Know When You Are Through? ]

[ When His Death Happened, One Cry Lead In To The Next ]
[ What You Would Have Given ]
[ To Receive Just One More Text ]

[ Or Phone Call ]
[ Where We Would Continuously Tease Each Other ]
[ Because Neither One Of You Is Remotely Considered To Be Tall ]

[ It Was All Good & Fun ]
[ When You Would Call Yourself ]
[ The Taller & Better Looking One ]

[ You Wish That The Last Text Messages Were More Positive Than They Were ]
[ In A Way ]
[ His Responses Left You Feeling Hurt ]

[ You Never Should Have Expected Him To Be Serious ]
[ But You Were More Than Just A Bit Curious ]

[ You Never Thought That Those Would Be The Last Ones That You Would Get ]
[ If You Did, You Wouldn’t Have Text About A Topic That You Have Come To Regret ]

[ Will You Ever Forgive Yourself? ]
[ Does Forgiveness Have To Come From Somewhere Else? ]

[ From Outside Of Your Own Mind? ]
[ Will It Come From Being On The Path To Going Dakine? ]
[ What Could You Be Looking For To Find? ]
[ Will Things Ever Be Fine? ]

[ Again? ]

[ Probably Not ]

|| The End ||

Mahalo
~LopakaDeVoe~

(296)▪︎[ Grieving … 3•23•2020 ]

[ How Does One Grieve? ]
[ Help Me Believe ]

[ That Sometime In The Future I’ll See My Brother Again? ]
[ What If I Sin? ]

[ Does My Brother ]
[ Go One Way ]
[ & I Go The Other? ]

[ Some People Say That Everything Happens For A Reason ]
[ That is One Thing That I Don’t Believe In ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]

(•)||▪︎•▪︎•▪︎||●||•▪︎•▪︎••▪︎•▪︎•||●||▪︎•▪︎•▪︎||(•)

(041)▪︎[ Voicemail … 1•13•2022 ]

[ Wow, That Was A Voice From Your Past ]
[ You Are So Glad That You Did Not Go Through Those
Messages Really Fast ]

[ You Could Have Sailed Right By Those (3) ]
[ You Are So Glad That You Had That Curiosity ]

[ You Really Miss His Calls & His Voice ]
[ You Would Not Have Thought Of Anything But Giving Him A Choice ] ]

[ Your Brother Brent ]
[ Went ]

[ Way Too Young ]
[ (1) Thing That Never Happened ]
[ He Never Held His Tongue ]

[ Brother Brent Did What He Thought ]
[ His Vote Or Opinions Could Never Be Bought ]

[ With His Intelligence I Never Could Understand Why He Voted
The Way That He Did ]
[ But In Reality ]
[ That Choice Would Have Hated Him Since He Was A Kid ]

[ Because Brother Brent Was Not Blond Haired & Blue Eyes
& Pale ]
[ He Never Went To College @ Yale ]

[ He May Have Followed Him But It Would Not Have Been
Reciprocated In The Least ]
[ But He Chose To Follow The Beast ]
[ From The East ]

[ His Voicemail Segments Can Stay Forever ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [酪]

|•▪︎•▪︎•|■|•▪︎•▪︎••▪︎•▪︎•|●|•▪︎•▪︎•|

(1076)▪︎[ He Was My Brother … 12•26•2021 ]

[ Oh Brother Brent, I Miss You So Much ]
[ I Wish You Were Here ]
[ So I Could Stick You With Our Bill For Lunch ]

[ I Always Love To Tease You About Your Choice Of A Pro Football Team ]
[ Winning More Games Than They Lost ]
[ Was Always Their Seasonal Dream ]

[ I Bet You Yearn For Teams From Their Winning Years ]
[ Now All They Do Is Cause You To Shed Lots Of Tears ]

[ If You Want To Compare Teams & Things ]
[ It Always Bothered You ]
[ That My Steelers Have So Many More Rings ]

[ I Always Tried To Bring You Over For A Winning Ride ]
[ But I Could Never Tear You Away From The Dark Side ]

[ I Was Always The Older, Taller, Skinnier, Better Looking One ]
[ & You Always Have Been The One That I Make Fun ]

[ Of ]
[ But I Only Do It Out Of Love ]

[ It Always Bothered You That I Was The Tallest ]
[ & I’m Sorry To Tell You Brother ]
[ You’ve Always Been … The Smallest ]

[ I Miss Our Phone Calls That Always Lasted More Than Hour ]
[ Making Me Laugh & Smile ]
[ Was Your Super Power ]

[ Well I Hope You Will Always Be Up There Watching Over Me ]
[ I Know That’s The Only Thing You Would Do For Free ]

[ Because Here, Free Was Always Your Favorite Price ]
[ When You Could ]
[ You Always Went Back Twice ]

[ But You Decided To Leave Before I Got There ]
[ I Wanted To Give You A Big Hug ]
[ & To Tell You How Much I Care ]

[ Your Picture Will Always Be On My Phone ]
[ & The Sound Of Your Voice Will Forever Be On My Mind ]
[ To Me You’ve Always Shown ]
[ That You Are One Of A Kind ]

[ Talking On The Phone With Your Daughter ]
[ Will Always Remind Me Of You ]
[ Her Father ]

[ Well I Better End This Note ]
[ You Know I’ll Always Laugh About How You Used To Vote ]

[ Trump For 2020? ]
[ No Thanks ]
[ We’ve Already Have Had Plenty ]

[ I Miss You More Than I Can Write ]
[ I’m Glad The Thought Of You ]
[ Was The Last One That I Have Tonight ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(858)▪︎[ Nature -vs- Nurture? … 10•10•2021 ]

[ I Often Wonder About Nature -vs- Nurture ]
[ Which One Really Drives Me Into The Future? ]

[ Which One Do I Have To Thank ]
[ About How Much My Dad Drank? ]

[ His Dad Or His Mom? ]
[ Which One Was Responsible For Him Getting Bombed? ]

[ It Seemed Like My Dad Had A Temper When He Would Drink ]
[ He Did Impulsive Things Before He Would Think ]

[ He Seemed To Become A Mess ]
[ When He Would Drink To Excess ]

[ But Then I Look @ My Brother & My Sisters Lives ]
[ They Drank ]
[ & Did Drugs For Many Many Nights ]

[ The (3) Of Us Have The Same Gene’s, From The Same Mom
& Dad ]
[ But (2) Out (3) Of Us Turned Out Sad ]

[ Our Mom Signed Off Her Parental Rights One Day ]
[ Then She Ran Away ]

[ She Wiped Her Hands Of Us ]
[ Walked Out Of The Courthouse ]
[ Then Caught A Bus ]

[ I Was Once Asked What I Would Say To Her If She Was To
Someday Knock On My Door ]
[ I Would Ask (1) Question ]
[ (WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?) ]

[ A Relationship As Her Son? ]
[ It Was My Belief That Once She Signed That Document ]
[ Her Relationship With Any Of Us, Was Done ]

[ The Whole Reason Why My Dad Came Over To Hawaii To Get My
Sister & I, Was To Raise Us As His Own ]
[ When He Came Home Drunk That Fateful Night, He Should Have
Left That Gun Alone ]

[ He All Of A Sudden Got This Homicidal Thirst ]
[ Because He Tried To Kill His Girlfriend First ]

[ To His Dismay ]
[ The Gun Did Not Fire ]
[ So Things Did Not Go His Way ]

[ The Situation Became Dire ]
[ So When He Put It To His Head, This Time It Did Fire ]

[ He Was Drunk The Night That He Died ]
[ My Brother Was Drunk The Night That He Died ]
[ Was My Sister High The Night That She Died? ]

[ I Actually Do Not Know If My Sister Has Passed Yet ]
[ But With Her Lifestyle Being What It Is ]
[ It Is A Good Bet ]

[ Becoming A Drug Addict Or Alcoholic Has Never Been One Of
My Biggest Fears ]
[ The Last Time That I Touched Any Drugs Was Around 1984 ]
[ The Last Time I Touched Alcohol Has Been Over (25) Years ]

[ Why Did Both Of My Siblings Go That Route? ]
[ Should I Sleep With Doubt? ]

[ With (1) Eye Open & (1) Eye Shut? ]
[ Wondering If This Was My Destiny ]
[ No Matter What? ]

[ My Sister Was Given The Same Upbringing As Me ]
[ Why Couldn’t She ]
[ Stay & Live Drug Free? ]

[ As We Grew, There Was No Drug Use ]
[ We Were Both Raised In A Home That Was Free Of Child Abuse ]

[ What Pointed Me To Have A Love For Playing Sports? ]
[ & She Went To Drugs & Days In Courts? ]

[ I Really Believe It Was The People That We Chose ]
[ & The Ones Who Remained Close ]

[ My Sister Chose To Follow The Footprints From The Kids
Down The Street ]
[ I Chose To Make A Path From My Own (2) Feet ]

[ My Brother Was Passed Out Drunk The Last Night That He Was
Alive ]
[ Thankfully His Daughter Did Not Allow Him To Drive ]

[ So He Did Not Kill Anyone Else ]
[ That Was Not How He Killed Himself ]

[ So The Addiction Part Flows Through My System ]
[ But I Am Not Letting It Cause A Problem ]

[ I Tried Drugs Several Decades Ago ]
[ Knowing What I Do Now Know ]
[ I Am So Thankful When I Said (NO!) ]

[ Drugs And Alcohol Use Are Not (2) Things That I Fight ]
[ Even Though My Dad & Brother Were Drunk On Their Last Night ]
[ But My Sister Has Been Nowhere In Sight ]

[ For The Last (10) Years Or So ]
[ Her Drug Use Got So Bad & The Relationship Turned Toxic ]
[ I Told Her To Go ]

[ Take Her Lifestyle Elsewhere ]
[ But Now, I Don’t Know Where ]

[ Is Addiction In The Nurture Or In The Nature? ]
[ I Am Not Sure ]

[ Maybe It Is The Mind-Set ]
[ That I Get ]

[ Addiction Can Come On Fast ]
[ I Know How To Keep Alcohol & Drugs In The Past ]

[ I Know In My Heart ]
[ I Just Won’t Start ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]

[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||

(497)▪︎[ Your Brother Is Gone … 6•16•2021 ]

[ As You Sit There Looking @ Your Brothers Tombstone ]
[ You Now Feel, All Alone ]

[ Some Say It Was A Senseless Death That Day ]
[ Is That Really What Some People Say? ]

[ I Am On The Fence ]
[ Is There A Way That your Brother Could Die That Would Make
     Sense? ]

[ You Hear Mumbles ]
[ & Grumbles ]

[ You’re Not So Dense ]
[ To Hear That ]
[ & It Not Make You Tense ]

[ This May Sound Dumb ]
[ But Death Took Away My Brother’s Freedom ]

[ He Can No Longer Come Over For A Visit ]
[ You Can’t Have The Option To Go Over To His House & Just
     Sit ]
[ For A Bit ]

[ Your Brother Is Pain Free Now ]
[ You Wish That You Could ]
[ But You Don’t Know How ]

[ How Do You Continue On ]
[ Now That Your Brother Is Gone? ]

[ Nobody Knows What Went Wrong ]
[ Was His Will To Live, Not Very Strong? ]

[ When His Path Was Shown ]
[ Was The Writing On The Wall Known? ]

[ The Grim Reaper Does Not Show Up @ Your Doorstep To
     Talk ]
[ They Show Up To Take You On That Long, Quiet Walk ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(200)▪︎[ Grieving & Leaving … 3•1•2020 ]

A[ This Grieving Stuff Is For The Birds ]
[ My Thoughts Are All Consuming ]
[ But I Can’t Put All Of Them Into Words ]

[ Is There A Special Way To Grieve ]
[ Without Making Your Sanity Leave? ]

[ Like The Falling Leaf ]
[ Can It Be Brief? ]

[ Nothing About Grieving Makes Sense ]
[ It’s As Predictable As Getting A Smile ]
[ On The Face Of Vice-President Pence ]

[ Make Your Life ]
[ Like ]
[ Dice ]
[ Throw Them Against The Wall, Twice ]

[ That’s Like My Thoughts Being Rearranged ]
[ Sometimes They Seem Caged ]

[ All Pent Up In A Little Box ]
[ Who Has The Key, Goldilocks? ]

[ I Wish These Thoughts Of Mine ]
[ Would Fall Into Line ]
[ With Nine Rows Of Nine ]
[ Then They’d Take Me Dakine ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(172)▪︎[ Hurting … 2•22•2020 ]

[ I Hurt So Much Right Now ]
[ I Am Supposed To Pull It Together ]
[ But I Don’t Know How ]

[ I Lost My Younger Brother Brent A Couple Of Nights
Ago ]
[ He Passed As He Slept ]
[ & Now I Don’t Know ]
[ How Long I’ve Wept ]

[ He Was The Last Member Of My Family In My Mind ]
[ Oh If I Could Only Pound On The Button That Says
( REWIND! ) ]

[ I Don’t Know How Far Back In Years I Would Go ]
[ Then I’d Hit ( PLAY ) ]
[ & Take It Really Slow ]

[ You See, We Were Separated About When He Was One &
I Was Two ]
[ I Knew I Had A Brother Out There ]
[ Somewhere ]
[ But I Had No Clue ]
[ I Grew Up Not Asking Questions ]
[ Because It Seemed Like Nobody Cared ]
[ Or Nobody Knew ]

[ It Wasn’t Until After We Were Married & My Wife Asked ]
[ ( WOULD YOU MIND IF I LOOKED FOR YOUR BROTHER? ) ]
[ I Told Her That She Could Take On That Task ]
[ But I Don’t Want To Know A Thing About Our Mother ]

[ She Tracked Down The Police Report For When My Dad
Shot Himself In The Head ]
[ Seeing This Report Was Something That I Grew Up To Dread ]

[ The Report Sent Her In The Direction That Would Make
Her Rave & Rant ]
[ Because It Said That The Names Of His Children Was Bobby,
Robin & Brant ]

[ That Made The Direction Of The Hunt Juke ]
[ Instead Of Jive ]
[ It Seems That When Our Dad Got Depressed He Never Told The Truth ]
[ About His Intentions To Die ]

[ The Information That She Found Blew My Mind To Pieces ]
[ She Even Found Names Of Possible Nephews & Nieces ]

[ So He Said He Couldn’t Help Us Know A Man With Brant For
His Name ]
[ But He Stated That He Has An Uncle ( BRENT ) Who Sounded
The Same ]

[ He Told My Wife He Had His Number & North
Carolina Was Where He
Lived ]
[ He Had His Uncle’s Number & Then Said ( THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO GIVE ) ]

[ The Next Night I Sat Down & Picked Up The Phone ]
[ I Thought ( THIS IS LIKE WALKING INTO THE UNKNOWN ) ]

[ A Man’s Voice Came On & Sounded Kind Of Gruff ]
[ Asking Him About Five Questions Was Kind Of Rough ]

[ Then He Asked Two Questions That I Thought Was Strange
But Funny ]
[ ( WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME … DO YOU NEED A KIDNEY ) ]

[ That Was The Start Of What We Had ]
[ He Talked About The Kids Who Call Him Dad ]

[ Brent Was All Of The Family That I’ve Got ]
[ Now Death Has Taken Him ]
[ & All Of That Effort Was For Naught ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(173)▪︎[ You’re Gone Now … 2•23•2020 ]

[ Oh Brother Brent, Brother Brent ]
[ Now Who Am I Supposed To Call To Vent? ]

[ Besides My Son & My Wife ]
[ You Were One Of The Biggest, Most Important & Loved
Parts Of My Life ]
[ Now My Heart, Feels Like It’s Been Cut Out, With A Knife ]

[ Then One Night, When You Couldn’t Hang On ]
[ One Swipe Of Death’s Hand ]
[ & You Were Gone ]

[ Now I Sit & Wonder, About Where The Time Went ]
[ Who Is Responsible For The Bad Times That Were Sent? ]
[ It Wasn’t Superman ]
[ Or Clark Kent ]

[ What Ever Happened, I’ll Never Know ]
[ Why Did You, Have To Go? ]
[ I’ll Never Know ]
[ Why Do I Feel, So Low? ]
[ This, I Know ]

[ I Feel, For Your Family Members ]
[ They Will Always Have Memories Of You, That They Will
Remember ]

[ I Know, That I Do ]
[ I Will Always Remember The Days, When We Came Out
To North Carolina ]
[ & Met You ]

[ I Had To Wait ]
[ All Of Those Years ]
[ Until 1998 ]

[ We Were Apart For Over 30 Years, But Not Of Our Doing ]
[ Growing Up Knowing You Were Out There, But We
Could Not Meet ]
[ Was Quite Grueling ]

[ I Remember What You Asked When I First Called You In N.C. ]
[ ( WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME? ) ]
[ ( DO YOU NEED A KIDNEY? ) ]

[ I Thought That I Could Not Get That Comment From No Other ]
[ I Said To You ]
[ ( WELL, I AM CALLING YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE MY
BROTHER ) ]

[ I Didn’t Know What To Expect ]
[ But You Did Not Scoff & Show Disrespect ]

[ It Is Hard To Talk About You In The Past Tense ]
[ Especially When None Of This Makes Sense ]

[ We Hardly Scratched The Surface Of Brotherhood ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(154)▪︎[ Give Myself A Talk … 2•17•2020 ]

[ I Tell You This ]
[ I’ll Tell You No Lie ]
[ That When Death Gave You It’s Kiss ]
[ I Had To Try ]
[ To Keep A Dry ]
[ Eye ]

[ You Were My Last String ]
[ Connecting Me To This Messed Up Family Thing ]
[ Now, Who Will Bring ]

[ Such Laughter ]
[ Only During Our Phone Calls ]
[ Not After ]

[ We’d Punch Each Other Silly With Our Put-Downs ]
[ We’d Take Turns Being The Clown ]
[ You Were Supposed To Take Me To Our Home Island ]
[ & Show Me The Town ]

[ All Of Our Dreams Of Growing Old Together ]
[ Has Changed As Fast As The Oregon Weather ]

[ All Because Of This I Ask ]
[ Why Did You Not Complete The Simple Task ]
[ Of Putting On Your Mask ]
[ During The Night After Last ]

[ Maybe You Are Now Sending Me A Message, In Your Own Way ]
[ If I Want To Wake To See Another Day ]

[ I Must Fight ]
[ To Make Things Right ]
[ By Making Sure That MY Mask Must Be On Tight ]
[ Night After Night ]

[ So Everytime I Balk ]
[ I Should Give Myself A Good Talk ]

~ Ka hopena ~

[ Mahalo iā ‘oe ]
[ A hui hou mākou ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]