[ These Thoughts Have Been Gnawing @ My Brain For So Many
Years ]
[ It Caused Me So Many Tears ]
[ It Put A Big Spot Light On My Biggest Fears ]
[ You See, I See Many People Speaking About Mental Issues ]
[ When I Have Flashbacks About An Incident That Was 18 Years Ago ]
[ It Causes Me To Reach For The Tissues ]
[ PTSD Is The Issue That I’m Talking About ]
[ Yes, It Is Real ]
[ Is What I Shout ]
[ & It Does Not Just Happen To Military Personnel ]
[ It Could Happen To Anyone ]
[ Who Has Survived An Incident That Put Them Through Hell ]
[ I Was The Only Staff Locked In A Correctional Unit When
The Juvenile Inmates Decided To Riot ]
[ For Over 3 Hours I Prayed For Quiet ]
[ Hitting Another Person’s Head With A Fire Extinguisher Makes
A Horrible, Memorable Sound ]
[ He Kept Getting Hit Even When He Was On The Ground ]
[ I Never Knew That A Fire Extinguisher Could Break A Toilet
Or Sink ]
[ It Is Alot Easier Than You’d Think ]
[ Oh There Has Been So Many Times Since This Happened ]
[ Where I Wanted To Drink ]
[ But There Were Two People Who Stood By Me So I Wouldn’t Go
There ]
[ My Wife Nicole & My Friend Nick P. ]
[ Were The Only Ones That Showed That They Cared ]
[ Every Other (FRIEND) From My Work ]
[ Turned Their Back ]
[ & Became Worse Than A Jerk ]
[ Nobody Else Came Over Or Called ]
[ After I Got Fired Because Of A Bunch Of Lies ]
[ They All Acted Appalled ]
[ Nobody Else Wanted To Hear My Side ]
[ So After The Agency Lied ]
[ & Stole My Pride ]
[ My Respect For All Those People Died ]
[ Nicole & Nick Were The Only Ones That Did Not Stab Me In
My Back ]
[ Whenever I Was With Them ]
[ I Was Never Worried About An Attack ]
[ I Owe Each Of Them A Debt Of Gratitude ]
[ For Not Having A Caustic Attitude ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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(1010)▪︎[ ‘Vegas … 12•2•2020 ]
[ Las Vegas Is Such A Wonderful Town ]
[ We Have Been Having Fun Ever Since Our Plane
Touched Down ]
[ But This Time There Is Such The Small Crowd ]
[ So When You Are Inside ]
[ Things Are Not Very Loud ]
[ When You Go To The Shops Looking For (IT) ]
[ You Can Get In & Out ]
[ In Just A Few Minutes ]
[ Things Are Not Always @ A High Price ]
[ So If You Really Like Something Nice ]
[ It Is Usually There For You To Buy Twice ]
[ I Am Bringing Back Souvenirs For Four Friends ]
[ I Might Get More ]
[ But It All Will Depend ]
[ On What I Will See ]
[ Except For Three Pairs Of Shoes ]
[ I Really Have Not Bought Anything For Me ]
[ But That’s Okay, This Is Now How I Live ]
[ Now I Save My Money ]
[ So I Can Buy More Things To Give ]
[ I Like When People Come Over To My Place ]
[ Then I Can Give Them A Gift ]
[ & Then They Get A Smile On Their Face ]
[ Since I Have No Mother ]
[ & I Just Lost My Brother ]
[ I Find Joy ]
[ By Making The Day Go Well For Others ]
[ Since Being Naughty By Nature Is Not My Thing ]
[ I Like To Give Stuff ]
[ That Is Not Attached By A String ]
[ There Is No Reciprocal Action Needed ]
[ Because I Don’t Want The Receiver Feel Defeated ]
[ If They Cannot ]
[ Reciprocate What They Just Got ]
[ But Vegas Is The One Place That We Love To Come
To ]
[ So Now We Will Plan To Come Back ]
[ In A Year Or Two ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(666)▪︎[ Negative Thoughts … 8•3•2020 ]
[ My Head Is So Polluted By Negative Thoughts ]
[ So Much So ]
[ It Has Me Seeing Spots ]
[ Some Are Blue & Some Are Red ]
[ I Even See Them @ Night ]
[ When I Lay Down On My Bed ]
[ This Is What Keeps Me Awake ]
[ I Wonder ]
[ What Would Happen If I Put All Of My Thoughts Together ]
[ What Would I Make? ]
[ Would It Be A Picture Full Of Color? ]
[ Or … ]
[ Would It Be An Image Of My Brother? ]
[ My Brother Is Never Far From My Mind ]
[ Oh How I Wish I Had The Power To Rewind ]
[ But I Can Kick Myself For All Of The Things That I
Never Got Done ]
[ Then Life Would Suck ]
[ & It Would Cease Being Fun ]
[ I Have To Get Myself Out Of This Funk ]
[ I Have To Right This Ship That Has Almost Sunk ]
[ & Stop Thinking Of Junk ]
[ How Do I Resurrect? ]
[ How Do I Find The Path That Helps Me Connect? ]
[ Write It Out Is What I Say ]
[ Oh Hey ]
[ I Think That I Will Do It That Way ]
[ For Forever & A Day ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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(374)▪︎[ Alex Is Sick … 5•25•2022 ]
[ Hey Aex, I Feel Bad That You Are Feeling Ill ]
[ & You Won’t Get Better By Taking A Magical Pill ]
[ If There Was (1) @ My Pharmacy, I Think That It Would
Be Worth The Walk ]
[ Along The Way We Would Have A Good Talk ]
[ If I Decide To Invest My Time With You (WHICH WAS A VERY EASY
DECISION)
[ I Don’t Want A Confession ]
[ I Just Want To Know A Little Bit About You ]
[ Besides What Brie Has Said About You Two ]
[ I Do Not Have A Clue ]
[ This Is What I Know … ]
[ You Have Always Been A Stand-Up Guy ]
[ You Do Not Accept Or Tell A Lie ]
[ It Is Understood ]
[ That You Like Lots Of Food ]
[ You Are Tolerate ]
[ That Is Very Important ]
[ You Shower Brie With Love Everyday ]
[ In All Kinds Of Ways ]
[ You Are A Man’s Man ]
[ That Is Something That Makes You Give A Damn ]
[ You Are Very Understanding ]
[ & That Is Outstanding ]
[ You Have The Patience To Give A Stranger The Time Of Day
On The Phone ]
[ Even Though I Am Totally Unknown ]
[ You Always Put Brie First ]
[ Even Though You Are The (1) With The Dying Thirst ]
[ Right Now Brie Has To Go Into Caregiver Mode ]
[ & Carry The Load ]
[ I Am Just Sitting Here In The Living Room Waiting For
Emily To Change My Bed ]
[ & Yes I Would Rather Be There Leaning Against The Pillows
Instead ]
[ I Don’t Pray, But I Send You Good Thoughts ]
[ I Hope This Doesn’t Come Across As Just Seeing Spots! ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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(855)▪︎[ Tough Thoughts … 10•9•2020 ]
[ It Is Really Tough To Realize That You Are Not Important
Enough For Someone To Always Be There ]
[ Some People Have Someone That Would Drop Anything
To Show That They Care ]
[ That Is Tough To Realize ]
[ & It Really Cuts You Down To Size ]
[ There Are People That You Would Drop Everything For Them In
Times Of Need ]
[ It Is Tough To Know That You Are Not Even Important Enough
To Feed ]
[ You Constantly Listen To Others To See How You Can Make
Their Lives Easier ]
[ You Do This @ Your Leisure ]
[ You Share & You Give ]
[ Your Goal In Life Is To Help Others Live ]
[ You Send People Uplifting Stories Just To Check-In ]
[ You Do This Again & Again ]
[ Everybody Is So Busy With Their Inner Circle, But You Are
Not In It ]
[ It Makes You Feel Like Shit ]
[ & Gives You Reasons To Just Quit ]
[ You Are Not Worthy Of A Text During The Day ]
[ You Are Not Important Enough For Anyone To Say ]
[ (HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?) ]
[ Is That Asking Too Much Of Others? ]
[ You Have No Mother ]
[ & God Selfishly Took Your Only Brother ]
[ Who Checks In With You? ]
[ Not One Person ]
[ So There Definitely Isn’t Two ]
[ You’ve Never Wanted To Be Loud ]
[ You Just Don’t Fit Into The Crowds ]
[ Do You Smell? ]
[ Bad? ]
[ Do You Not Explain Yourself Well? ]
[ When You Are Mad? ]
[ What Is It About You That Turns People Off? ]
[ Is It The Way That You Look? ]
[ Or Is It How You Talk? ]
[ Something About You Repels ]
[ Instead Of Attracts ]
[ Nobody Tells ]
[ You ]
[ Before The Attacks ]
[ People Can Attack Through Their Use Of Silence ]
[ That Is So Much Harder To Combat ]
[ & More Hurtful ]
[ Than Physical Violence ]
[ They Shut You Out In Front Of Your Face ]
[ You Become The Only One That Is Not Part Of The Discussion ]
[ In The Entire Place ]
[ It Makes You To Want To Become A Shut-In ]
[ Again ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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(656)▪︎[ No Eye Contact … 7•29•2020 ]
[ Society Has Changed How We Deal With Each Other ]
[ Right Now We Don’t Even Acknowledge Another ]
[ The Person In My Line Of Sight ]
[ I Want Him To Veer To My Left ]
[ While I Turn Right ]
[ & It Has Been Awhile ]
[ Since I Tried To Make A Stranger Smile ]
[ It Seems Like The Feeling In The Air ]
[ Is That Nobody Cares ]
[ Not Even A Little Bit ]
[ Or Give’s A Shit ]
[ & If You Don’t Have The Right Facial Expression ]
[ You Take The Chance Of Getting Hit ]
[ That Is One Big Reason Why ]
[ I Don’t Make Contact With The Other Guys ]
[ Eyes ]
[ In No Way ]
[ On Any Day ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||
(650)▪︎[ I Am Not Just PTSD … 7•27•2020 ]
[ Okay, I Realize That I Have P.T.S.D. ]
[ But My P.T.S.D. Does Not Define Me ]
[ I Was Asked To Find The Meaning For Me ]
[ Because Having This Does Not Feel Happy ]
[ This Kind Of Blissful Thinking ]
[ Would Definitely Lead To Hard Drinking ]
[ Which Is Not Something That I Want To Do ]
[ Would Any One Of You? ]
[ Want That Too? ]
[ Because Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ]
[ Is Like Reliving A Horrible Event ]
[ By Pushing The Play Button On Your Minds Digital Recorder ]
[ You Should Always Feel Blessed ]
[ If You Never Have To Deal With This Mess ]
[ But If You Do ]
[ Never Think Of Yourself As Being Any Less ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
||•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•||
(375)▪︎[ Ms. Allison … 5•26•2022 ]
[ There Was A Knock On The Door, Who Could It Be ]
[ It Was A Younger, Smiling Caregiver I See ]
[ Her Name Is Allison, Or Ali To Her Friends, She Was Stating ]
[ I Would Give Her An (A+) If I Was Going To Give Her A Rating ]
[ She Conquers Every Task ]
[ When Asked ]
[ She Gives Me A Smile, Instead Of A Bad Attitude ]
[ She Showed Me An Even Amount Of Gratitude ]
[ When Given Something Small In Size ]
[ She Gives Me A Smile That Makes Me Realize ]
[ How Nice It Is To Be Smiled @ ]
[ Instead Of Yelled @ ]
[ Or Glared @ ]
[ Some CG Just Come To Earn A Paycheck ]
[ Not Just To Keep An Eye Open ]
[ So They Can Peak In & Check ]
[ Allison Is Confident But Not Really Full Of Herself ]
[ She Also Doesn’t Compare Herself To Anyone Else ]
[ She Is A One Of A Kind ]
[ In Everyone’s Mind ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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[850][ My Mind Is So Loud … 10•7•2020 ]
[ When It Is Quiet Around Me My Mind Can Be So Loud ]
[ When I’m Alone @ Night ]
[ I Hear The Noise Of A Crowd ]
[ It Is Not Like I Hear Voices In My Head ]
[ I Hear Rumbling Instead ]
[ I Just Want To Shut It Out ]
[ I Really Don’t Know What The Noise Is All About ]
[ That Just Leaves Me With All Kinds Of Doubt ]
[ That The Answer Would Come To Me Soon ]
[ Or Anywhere Close To Tomorrow @ Noon ]
[ If The Answer Would Come Fast ]
[ I Could Put This All In The Past ]
[ I Will Continue To Be Numb ]
[ Until This Cathartic Event Will Come ]
[ Would The Messages Be Clear? ]
[ When I t Is Near? ]
[ I Hope That I Won’t Fall Asleep Waiting & Waiting ]
[ That Is Not A Demand ]
[ I Was Stating ]
[ How This Could Be So Frustrating ]
[ It Should Not Be Like This ]
[ It Was Certainly Not On My To Do List ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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[352]▪︎[ Loss … 5•13•2022 ]
[ How Does One Deal With Loss? ]
[ @ First It Feels Like Pain Is The Boss ]
[ Nothing Moves Without Permission ]
[ Relief Is Your Own Mission ]
[ It Is Hard To Think ]
[ That You Will Never Go Over To Their House For A Drink ]
[ No More Going For A Ride ]
[ Now You Want To Stay Home & Hide ]
[ Hide From The Pain & The Despair ]
[ Because You No Longer Want To Care ]
[ Care Is A Funny Word ]
[ Sometimes It Is The Worse ]
[ That You Have Ever Heard ]
[ You Want To Lock That Feeling Into A Silent Cage ]
[ Along With The Word Rage ]
[ You Won’t Be Able To Afford The Effort ]
[ Because In (30) Days You Will Find Yourself In Court ]
[ For You Were The Driver, When Your Best Friend Died ]
[ Ever Since, You Have Cried ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo E Ka hoa ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ] [🤙]
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Lopaka's Poetic Stories Blog 