[ As I Lie Here On My King Sized Bed ]
[ I Find That I Have A Thousand Thoughts Going Through
My Head ]
[ I’ve Found That When I’m In Distress ]
[ I Look Inward ]
[ & See Nothing But A Mess ]
[ I Thought That If I Write Myself An Explanation Letter ]
[ In A Matter Of Three Weeks ]
[ I’d Feel Better ]
[ But Has This Type Of Thinking Added Or Subtracted Years
From My Life Span ]
[ Does This Kind Of Thinking Make Me A Better Man? ]
[ Can, Can, Can ]
[ But What Am I Going To Find ]
[ When I Try To Look Into My Mind? ]
[ When I Find Something Profound ]
[ Can I Hang On To It? ]
[ Or Let It Slip Out ]
[ & Let It Crash Onto The Ground? ]
[ No Amount Of Money Can Buy A Second Of Time ]
[ & No Amount Of Words ]
[ Can Always Make A Good Rhyme ]
[ A Good Rhyme Consists Of Many Words Coming Together
With Thought ]
[ You Put Your Heart & Soul Into Each One ]
[ Because You’re Not A Robot ]
[ When Everything Is Written, Said & Done ]
[ You Should Be Thankful With What You’ve Got ]
[ The Finished Product Is Not Always Great ]
[ But 8 Out 10 Is Definitely Worth The Wait ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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Category: [ 2019 Stories ]
(1413)▪︎ [ Day & Time … 12•18•19 ]
[ Today Is Yesterday’s Tomorrow ]
[ Does Tomorrow Have Any Time That Today Can
Barrow? ]
[ A Barrowed Minute There ]
[ A Spent Minute Here ]
[ Does Tomorrow Have Any Time That It Could Spare? ]
[ But How Do You Barrow Time From A Day That
Has Not Started? ]
[ When Days Become Yesterday ]
[ Do We Call Them The Dearly Departed? ]
[ If Tomorrow I Plan On Writing A Rhyme ]
[ But Today I’m Thinking About It ]
[ Am I On Barrowed Time? ]
[ If I Am By Chance Wasting Today ]
[ Do I Search Out Tomorrow, Or Who I Can Pay? ]
[ How Exactly Does Someone Get Paid For Your
Time By Someone Else? ]
[ Did They Have Some Extra Time Sitting Idle On A
Closet Shelf? ]
[ I Know That Spent Time Could Go Either Way ]
[ You Can Use That Time During The Night ]
[ Or During The Day ]
[ But Do You Have To Put Up A Fight ]
[ To Spend It Your Way? ]
[ Today Has A Tomorrow & A Yesterday ]
[ Do You Ever Wish You Could Be In A Vortex ]
[ Where Time Would Just Sit Still & Stay? ]
[ Time Standing Still Is Not Always A Good Thing ]
[ You Never Know What Kinds Of Problems Extra
Time Can Bring ]
[ What If You Were Having A Bad Time When You
Got Caught Up With Time Standing Still?
[ Would You Have Time To Get Ill? ]
[ Maybe You’d Get Saved When Jack Followed Jill ]
[ & Followed The Yellow-Brick-Road Past The
Gingerbread House ]
[ This Would Have Worked Out Okay ]
[ If Only Jill Was Jack’s Spouse ]
[ Time Drags By When You’re Trying To Watch Water Boil ]
[ Does It Remain Slow When Pouring Oil? ]
[ So Today Would Be Tomorrow’s Day Before ]
[ What Day Or Time, Will It Be If You Counted Back By Four? ]
[ Would It Be Like Walking Through Three Tunnels
Until You Got To The Main Door? ]
[ When Time Flies By ]
[ You Barely Have Time To Say, Hello ]
[ But When You Turn Around, To Say ( GOODBYE ) ]
[ You’ll Find That Chasing Time Is One Heck-Of-A Ride ]
[ Is That What Is Meant By Having Time On Your Side? ]
[ One Thing That You Should Find ]
[ & That Is Time Has Never Lied ]
[ Be It Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow Or Somewhere
In The Past ]
[ Time Really Doesn’t Stand Still ]
[ So Make Some Memories That Last ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1416)▪︎[ All The Way To The End … 12•19•19 ]
[ Well, That Kind Of Does It, Closes A Chapter On A Very
Painful Part Of Your Life ]
[ Does That Mean That The Outlook On The Future
Look Bright? ]
[ You Never Thought It Would Go The Way That This Finally
Played Out ]
[ But You Also Didn’t Know What Wills Were All About ]
[ @ One Point In Your Life Barbara Told You That
Were In Hers ]
[ You Didn’t Really Question That @ The Time ]
[ But Through This Silence You Were Not All That Sure ]
[ Now You’re Sure & You Are Not ]
[ It Told You So In A Letter That You Just Got ]
[ It Plainly Stated That She Willed Absolutely Nothing To You ]
[ It Was There In Plain English So You Did Not
Need A Clue ]
[ You Guess She Wound Up Hating You More & More As The Years
Dragged On ]
[ She Probably Thought She Could Stick It In
Your Back ]
[ Even After She’s Gone ]
[ When She Told You To Get Out Of Her Life She Really Meant
It THROUGH The Very End ]
[ She Was So Rigid With Her Words ]
[ I Knew She Wouldn’t Bend ]
[ For People Who Are Mild & Meek ]
[ To Her, Forgiveness Was Done By The Weak ]
[ & She Was Anything But That ]
[ Just Like She Disliked Dogs ]
[ & Loved Her Cats ]
[ Her Cats Could Bring Her Home Dead Rats & She Would Never
Disown Them ]
[ She Never Thought Of Reconciling With Her Only Son Down In Salem ]
[ You Truly Wish She Lived Her Last Minutes Regretting What She
Did & Said ]
[ You
Hope She Had A Clear Recollection Of Your Last Phone Call
Running Over & Over In Her Head ]
[ Because Satan Was Waiting For Her @ The Door For When She Would
Finally Be Dead ]
[ Satan Was Waving @ Her Saying ( COME HERE, COME HERE ) ]
[ ( I KNOW YOU ONLY DRINK WINE, BUT WE’ll FORCE YOU TO
DRINK BEER! ) ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1423)▪︎[ Understanding … 12•23•19 ]
[ There Seems To Be Times When We Need To Talk ]
[ But The Chances To To Do That Never Come ]
[ Whenever You Threaten That You’re Going To Walk ]
[ Those Are The Times When We Should Be The Most Understanding ]
[ But We’re Not ]
[ When We Get So Demanding ]
[ Our Temper Goes From Cold To Hot ]
[ When Things Get So Confusing ]
[ & Complicated ]
[ The Way We’re Using ]
[ Each Other ]
[ Seems To Be Duplicated ]
[ How Do We Stop? ]
[ Without Letting The Ball Drop? ]
[ Quite Often We Let Our Pride Get In The Way ]
[ That’s When We Look Behind Us ]
[ On What Happened The Other Day ]
[ What Keeps Kicking Our Ass ]
[ Is That We Can’t Get Away From Our Past ]
[ & Just When We Think We Got A Pass ]
[ The Good Feelings & Times Don’t Last ]
[ Just When We Know What To Say ]
[ We Lose Our Way ]
[ Do We Talk Or Write? ]
[ Do Our Talks Need To Lead To Another Fight? ]
[ How Come We’ve Become So Weak? ]
[ When We Don’t Remember Wrong From Right? ]
[ Have We Poisoned Our Minds ]
[ So Far ]
[ That We Only Have Thoughts That Are Kind ]
[ When We’re Drinking In A Bar? ]
[ Alcohol Fueled Courage & Soft Heart ]
[ Often Doesn’t Discourage ]
[ Someone To Play The Brave Part ]
[ But Sometimes, Many Times, Alcohol Leads To Violence ]
[ Whenever You Put Your Hands On A Loved One ]
[ That Leads To Withdrawals & Silence ]
[ So How Do You Get This Turned Around & Not So Upside
Down? ]
[ That’s When You Get Right Side Up ]
[ & Pick Yourself Up Off Of The Ground ]
[ So That’s When You Go All In ]
[ & Look @ Each Other Again & Again ]
[ & Agree On When To Begin ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1424)▪︎[ Who? … 12•23•19 ]
[ Do You Know How To See The Clue ]
[ To Be The Best Of … You? ]
[ Not The Person Who People Think That You Should ]
[ Because You Don’t Think That You Would ]
[ Even If You Thought That You Could ]
[ Does Anyone ]
[ Actually Become ]
[ Who, In Their Own Mind, Is Number One? ]
[ It Would Always Take Alot ]
[ Of Thought ]
[ To Come To Terms With What You’ve Actually Got ]
[ Do Things Become Controversial ]
[ Or Conventional ]
[ When You Think That You’ve Reached Your Potential? ]
[ When Reaching One’s Potential, It Sure Can Be A Mystery ]
[ Sometimes Getting There ]
[ Is Pure Misery ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1430)▪︎[ Better Each Day … 12•25•19 ]
[ Why Do You Take A Chance & Write Out Your Thoughts? ]
[ Why Do You Attempt To Distinguish Yourself @ Being Different Than A Bunch Of Robots? ]
[ Do Robots Always Have A Story To Tell? ]
[ Sometimes You Just Want To Let Loose & Yell ]
[ Do You Have More Feelings Than A Robot Does? ]
[ If It’s There, It’s There ]
[ If It Were, It Was ]
[ How Do You Differenciate Yourself From Others? ]
[ In Another Life ]
[ Do You Have More Sisters & Brothers? ]
[ You Don’t Want Another Useless, Throwaway Mother ]
[ More Brothers You Want, But More Sisters You Don’t ]
[ If It’s In A Fantasy Land That’s A Maybe ]
[ But In Real Life You Won’t ]
[ The Two Females You Grew Up With Were/Are/Made Horrible
Sisters ]
[ They Left Your Life ]
[ Acting Like Tornado Twisters ]
[ They Wreck Havoc With Everything They Touch ]
[ Their Hatred Towards You Was A Little Bit Too Much ]
[ For You To Be Around ]
[ It Seems That If They Had Their Way ]
[ They’d Knock You To The Ground ]
[ But Like Always, You Will Get Up EVERY SINGLE Time ]
[ & You Would Collect Your Wits ]
[ & Write Out Another Rhyme ]
[ You Would Never Let The Venom They Spewed Ruin The Rest Of Your Life ]
[ You Have Great In-Laws ]
[ & A Great Child & Wife ]
[ As You Grow Older ]
[ You Want To Grow Better ]
[ Not Colder ]
[ With Your Writings, There Is Always Room For Improvement ]
[ You Just Don’t Want To Grow Stagnant ]
[ Smarter, Yes ]
[ Not Dormant Or Ignorant ]
[ & Use This God-Given Gift As Long As You Possibly Can ]
[ Then Turn Out To Be A Positive, Kind Man ]
[ & Not Another ]
[ Other ]
~ Ka hopena ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
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(1235)▪︎[ This Is A Recording … 10•13•19 ]
[ I Remember Putting On A Brave Face ]
[ To Hide The Symptoms Of Depression ]
[ I Always Felt Like A Disgrace ]
[ Because I Needed to Make A Confession ]
[ Whenever Someone Would Ask ]
[ [ HOW ARE THINGS? ] ]
[ I Wanted To Take Off My Mask ]
[ & Tell Them About The Guilt That Depression Brings ]
[ I Could Never Get Away From The Guilt Because It Was
Always On My Mind ]
[ Add My PTSD To The Mix ]
[ & It Seemed Like I Was Always On Rewind ]
[ PTSD Affects Me In Many Different Ways ]
[ & It Can Affect Me For Many Consecutive Days ]
[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ There Were Days Where All I Wanted To Do Was Shout ]
[ Because I Was Having Nightmares That Had To Do With Subjects That
I Knew Nothing About ]
[ Later In The Day The Subject Would Become Clear ]
[ I Was Having Nightmares About Things That I Fear ]
[ Can You Hear That? ]
[ I Can ]
[ I Just Don’t Know Where I’m @ ]
[ As One Man ]
[ Oh, I’ve Been Sitting Here All Of The Time ]
[ Having Flashbacks ]
[ In Between Writing Rhymes ]
[ What’s The Subject For The Day? ]
[ Even In My Confusion ]
[ My Thoughts Can Sit Still & Stay ]
[ But I Didn’t Want Or Need Them All ]
[ When One Wouldn’t Go Away ]
[ It Drove Me Up The Wall ]
[ How Do I Keep My Modesty & Sanity? ]
[ In A World Filled With ]
[ Insanity & Vanity? ]
[ That’s One Reason That I Try To Keep My Thoughts Wrapped
Up Nice & Tight ]
[ Because Sometimes When I Try To Verbalize Them ]
[ Things Don’t Quite ]
[ Sound Right ]
[ But Most Of The Time I Stay In My Head ]
[ So My Expressionless Face Can’t Be Read ]
[ & Complimentary Words Would Go Unsaid ]
[ Often My Home Was My De-Compression Zone ]
[ A Better Place ]
[ Was Never Known ]
[ I Had To Find Another Place Where I Felt As Safe As Before ]
[ Would I Ever Be Able To Find That Door? ]
[ Where It Was Safe To Walk On It’s Floor? ]
[ Now I Know A Place Where I Can Take My Thoughts & Park ]
[ It’s When I Go To Sleep In The Dark ]
[ When I Open My Eyes I’d Hear This Song ]
[ That Usually Told Me When Something Was Wrong ]
[ I’d Tell Myself [ BE STRONG, BE STRONG ] ]
[ Even When I Did Not Quite Know What Was Going On ]
[ When I Could Clearly See ]
[ I’d Find That There Is Nobody In The Room ]
[ With Me ]
[ Then I’d Wonder [ HOW COULD THIS BE? ] ]
[ I Figured Out That It Was Another Flashback ]
[ Caused By My PTSD ]
[ How Can I Get Away From This Disorder ]
[ That Is Like Playing A Recorder ]
[ [ SHUT DOWN! SHUT DOWN! ]
[ Is What I Tell Myself ]
[ But It Never Works, I’ve Found ]
~ The End ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
(1041)▪︎[ How It Affects Me … 8•11•19 ]
[ When PTSD Hit Me Right In The Face ]
[ I Checked Out Of The Human Race ]
[ The Memory Of That One Fateful Day, In 2002, Is What I Couldn’t Erase ]
[ All Of A Sudden I Thought Living Was A Waste ]
[ My Thoughts Were Moving Like Paste ]
[ So I Gave Suicide A Taste ]
[ 5, 6, 7 Attempts ]
[ I Was So Depressed & Unkept ]
[ It Totally Sunk Me Into The Dark ]
[ Everybody Was In Drive ]
[ While I Stayed, Stuck In Park ]
[ The Drive Inside Me Totally Died ]
[ If I Told You [ YES, I WANT TO LIVE ] ]
[ I Smiled & I Lied ]
[ I Had No Fight ]
[ I Had No Internal Fire ]
[ When I Sat In A Room I Didn’t Turn On The Light ]
[ I Became A Bad Liar ]
[ Because I Failed To Know Wrong From Right ]
[ I Became As Useful As A Flat Tire ]
[ I Was A Sad Sight ]
[ Who Never Should Had Been Admired ]
[ @ Times I’d Feel So Ill ]
[ All I Thought About Was Swallowing A Handful Of Pills ]
[ For My Family I Was One Big Minus ]
[ For So Many Moments ]
[ I Wasn’t @ My Finest ]
[ All I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone ]
[ I Was Cold, Clear To My Bones ]
[ When People Talked To Me ]
[ I Didn’t Like Their Tone ]
[ The Voices Inside Of My Head Were So Loud ]
[ Physically I Was All By Myself ]
[ Mentally I Was Stuck In The Middle Of A Crowd ]
[ I Was A Shell Of The One That Lived & Thrived Until 2002 ]
[ When I Looked In The Mirror ]
[ There Was The Reflection Of A Man That I Never Knew ]
[ I Was Put Through 10 Painfull Sessions Of E.C.T. ]
[ Afterwards My Head Pounded ]
[ & My Vision Was Blurry ]
[ The Real Me Was Trapped Inside My Ill Mind ]
[ I Didn’t Know Sanity From My Own Behind ]
[ What Turned Around My Head ]
[ Was When I Went Unconscious Because Of Counter-
Active Meds ]
[ Days Turned Into Weeks, Which Then Became Months & Years ]
[ When Left All Alone In The Dark, I Shed Alot Of Tears ]
[ The Voices In My Head Only Shined A Spot Light On My Fears ]
[ But The P.T.S.D. Still Haunts My Days & Nights ]
[ The Sounds, The Smells & The Sights ]
[ Continues Giving Me Extreme Fright ]
[ Healing From P.T.S.D. Oftentimes Never Happens ]
[ Bad Night After Bad Night Totally Dampens ]
[ My Resolve ]
[ Because Sometimes The Problem Is Never Solved ]
[ & For Those Involved ]
[ It’s One Long Waiting Game ]
[ The Name’s The Same ]
[ But Is The Blame? ]
[ But The Way P.T.S.D. Affects Some ]
[ Is By Breaking Them Down So They Do Something Dumb ]
[ & Then When It’s Time To Get Together ]
[ They Don’t Want To Come ]
[ I Don’t Know If I’m Supposed To Thank ]
[ The System That Makes Me Draw A Blank ]
[ I Feel That P.T.S.D. Will Always Be With Me ]
[ Maybe Not Affecting Me Day After Day ]
[ But In My Memory ]
[ My Memory Seems To Be A Problem, Some Have Said ]
[ This Time The Problem IS All In My Head ]
[ My Memory Is Part Of The Reason I Don’t Move On ]
[ I Wish The Nightmares Would Be Gone ]
[ My Brain Makes Me Feel Like A Pawn ]
[ In A Game I Never Wanted To Play ]
[ But The P.T.S.D. Made Me Stay ]
[ I Wanted To Find Any Way ]
[ To Get Off Of The Merry-Go-Round ]
[ That Keeps Me From Having My Feet Firmly On The Ground ]
[ If It Wasn’t For My Strong Wife ]
[ I Wouldn’t Be Around Enjoying This Life ]
[ Then I Met A Counselor Who Kicked My Butt ]
[ She Wouldn’t Just Let Me Sit On The Couch Asking Her [ WHAT? ] ]
[ Then I Met An N.P. That Said, [ YOU’re TAKING TOO MUCH ] ]
[ So That Gave Me A Hunch ]
[ That I Needed To Pack A Lunch ]
[ Because This Woman Packs A Punch ]
[ They Jumped Right In ]
[ & Told Me To Begin Again ]
[ Their Goal Was To Make Me Whole ]
[ To Figure Out My Role ]
[ In The Family ]
[ & Society ]
[ P.T.S.D. Still Has An Affect ]
[ But More & More I Have Time To Reflect ]
[ About The Effect ]
[ It Has In My World ]
~ The End ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
(1235)▪︎[ This Is A Recording … 10•13•19 ]
[ I Remember Putting On A Brave Face ]
[ To Hide The Symptoms Of Depression ]
[ I Always Felt Like A Disgrace ]
[ Because I Needed to Make A Confession ]
[ Whenever Someone Would Ask ]
[ [ HOW ARE THINGS? ] ]
[ I Wanted To Take Off My Mask ]
[ & Tell Them About The Guilt That Depression Brings ]
[ I Could Never Get Away From The Guilt Because It Was
Always On My Mind ]
[ Add My PTSD To The Mix ]
[ & It Seemed Like I Was Always On Rewind ]
[ PTSD Affects Me In Many Different Ways ]
[ & It Can Affect Me For Many Consecutive Days ]
[ Day In & Day Out ]
[ There Were Days Where All I Wanted To Do Was Shout ]
[ Because I Was Having Nightmares About Subjects That
I Knew Nothing About ]
[ Later In The Day The Subject Would Become Clear ]
[ I Was Having Nightmares About Things That I Fear ]
[ Can You Hear That? ]
[ I Can ]
[ I Just Don’t Know Where I’m @ ]
[ As A Man ]
[ Oh, I’ve Been Sitting Here All Of The Time ]
[ Having Flashbacks ]
[ In Between Writing Rhymes ]
[ What’s The Subject For The Day? ]
[ Even In My Confusion ]
[ My Thoughts Can Still Stay ]
[ But I Didn’t Want Or Need Them All ]
[ When One Wouldn’t Go Away ]
[ It Drove Me Up The Wall ]
[ How Do I Keep My Modesty & Sanity? ]
[ In A World Filled With ]
[ Insanity & Vanity? ]
[ That’s One Reason That I Try To Keep My Thoughts Wrapped
Up Nice & Tight ]
[ Because Sometimes When I Try To Verbalize Them ]
[ Things Don’t Quite ]
[ Sound Right ]
[ But Most Of The Time I Stay In My Head ]
[ So My Expressionless Face Can’t Be Read ]
[ But Then Complimentary Words Would Go Unsaid ]
[ Often My Home Was My De-Compression Zone ]
[ A Better Place ]
[ Was Never Known ]
[ I Had To Find Another Place Where I Felt As Safe As Before ]
[ Would I Ever Be Able To Find That Door? ]
[ Where It Was Safe To Walk On It’s Floor? ]
[ Now I Know A Place Where I Can Take My Thoughts & Park ]
[ It’s When I Go To Sleep In The Dark ]
[ When I Open My Eyes I’d Hear This Song ]
[ That Usually Told Me When Something Was Wrong ]
[ I’d Tell Myself [ BE STRONG, BE STRONG ] ]
[ Even When I Did Not Quite Know What Was Going On ]
[ When I Could Clearly See ]
[ I’d Find That There Is Nobody In The Room ]
[ With Me ]
[ Then I’d Wonder [ HOW COULD THIS BE? ] ]
[ I Figured Out That It Was Another Flashback ]
[ Caused By My PTSD ]
[ How Can I Get Away From This Disorder ]
[ That Is Like A Recorder ]
[ [ SHUT DOWN! SHUT DOWN! ]
[ Is What I Tell Myself ]
[ It Never Works, It Never Works, I’ve Found ]
~ The End ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
(1041)▪︎[ How It Affects Me … 8•11•19 ]
[ When PTSD Hit Me Right In The Face ]
[ I Checked Out Of The Human Race ]
[ The Memory Of That One Fateful Day Is What
I Couldn’t Erase ]
[ All Of A Sudden I Thought Living Was A Waste ]
[ My Thoughts Were Moving Like Paste ]
[ So I Gave Suicide A Taste ]
[ 5, 6, 7 Attempts ]
[ I Was So Depressed & Unkept ]
[ It Totally Sunk Me Into The Dark ]
[ Everybody Was In Drive ]
[ While I Stayed Stuck In Park ]
[ The Drive Inside Me Totally Died ]
[ If I Told You [ I WANT TO LIVE ] ]
[ I Smiled & I Lied ]
[ I Had No Fight ]
[ I Had No Internal Fire ]
[ When I Sat In A Room I Didn’t Turn On The Light ]
[ I Became A Bad Liar ]
[ Because I Failed To Know Wrong From Right ]
[ I Became As Useful As A Flat Tire ]
[ I Was A Sad Sight ]
[ Who Never Should Have Been Admired ]
[ @ Times I’d Feel So Ill ]
[ All I Thought About Was Swallowing A Handful Of Pills ]
[ For My Family I Was One Big Minus ]
[ For So Many Moments ]
[ I Wasn’t @ My Finest ]
[ All I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone ]
[ I Was Cold Down To My Bones ]
[ When People Talked To Me ]
[ I Didn’t Like Their Tone ]
[ The Voices Inside Of My Head Were So Loud ]
[ Physically I Was All By Myself ]
[ Mentally I Was Stuck In The Middle Of A Crowd ]
[ I Was A Shell Of The One That Lived & Thrived Until 2002 ]
[ When I Looked In The Mirror ]
[ There Was The Reflection Of A Man That I Never Knew ]
[ I Was Put Through 10 Painfull Sessions Of E.C.T. ]
[ Afterwards My Head Pounded ]
[ & My Vision Was Blurry ]
[ The Real Me Was Trapped Inside My Ill Mind ]
[ I Didn’t Know Sanity From My Own Behind ]
[ What Turned Around My Head ]
[ Was When I Went Unconscious Because Of Counter-
Active Meds ]
[ Days Turned Into Weeks Which Then Became Months & Years ]
[ When Left All Alone In The Dark I Shed Alot Of Tears ]
[ The Voices In My Head Only Shined A Spot Light On My Fears ]
[ The P.T.S.D. Still Haunts My Days & Nights ]
[ The Sounds, The Smells & The Sights ]
[ Continues Giving Me Extreme Fright ]
[ Healing From P.T.S.D. Oftentimes Never Happens ]
[ Bad Night After Night Totally Dampens ]
[ My Resolve ]
[ Because Sometimes The Problem Is Never Solved ]
[ & For Those Involved ]
[ It’s One Long Waiting Game ]
[ The Name’s The Same ]
[ But Is The Blame? ]
[ The Way P.T.S.D. Affects Some ]
[ Is By Breaking Them Down So They Do Something Dumb ]
[ & Then When It’s Time To Get Together ]
[ They Don’t Want To Come ]
[ I Don’t Know If I’m Supposed To Thank ]
[ The System That Makes Me Draw A Blank ]
[ I Feel That P.T.S.D. Will Always Be With Me ]
[ Maybe Not Affecting Me Day After Day ]
[ But In My Memory ]
[ My Memory Seems To Be A Problem, Some Have Said ]
[ This Time The Problem IS All In My Head ]
[ My Memory Is Part Of The Reason I Don’t Move On ]
[ I Wish The Nightmares Would Be Gone ]
[ My Brain Makes Me Feel Like A Pawn ]
[ In A Game I Never Wanted To Play ]
[ But The P.T.S.D. Made Me Stay ]
[ I Wanted To Find Any Way ]
[ To Get Off Of The Merry-Go-Round ]
[ That Keeps Me From Having My Feet Firmly On The Ground ]
[ If It Wasn’t For My Strong Wife ]
[ I Wouldn’t Be Around Enjoying This Life ]
[ Then I Met A Counselor Who Kicked My Butt ]
[ She Wouldn’t Just Let Me Sit On The Couch Asking [ WHAT? ] ]
[ Then I Met An N.P. That Said, [ YOU’re TAKING TOO MUCH ] ]
[ So That Gave Me A Hunch ]
[ That I Needed To Pack A Lunch ]
[ Because This Woman Packs A Punch ]
[ They Jumped Right In ]
[ & Told Me To Begin Again ]
[ Their Goal Was To Make Me Whole ]
[ To Figure Out My Role ]
[ In The Family ]
[ & Society ]
[ P.T.S.D. Still Has An Affect ]
[ But More & More I Have Time To Reflect ]
[ About The Effect ]
[ It Has In My World ]
~ The End ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
Lopaka's Poetic Stories Blog 