(633)▪︎[ My Brother’s Grave … 7•20•2020 ]

[ Yesterday I Finally Went To My Brothers Grave ]
[ I Stood There, Staring ]
[ Hoping That My Emotions Behave ]

[ But The Reaction That I Had ]
[ Wasn’t All Bad ]
[ It Was The ( NOT DOINGS) Of His Wife ]
[ That Had Me So Mad! ]

[ She Shows Such Disregard For Her Responsibilities ]
[ She Is In North Carolina Spending Money Like
She Is A Celebrity ]

[ She Is Not Even Showing An Ounce Of Respect ]
[ Since He Died ]
[ What Should I Expect? ]
[ Since She Lied? ]

[ She Was Supposed To Get A Headstone For My Brother ]
[ & She Is Supposed To Be A Loving, Caring Mother ]

[ But When Picking To Do Either ]
[ She Has Done Neither ]

[ So I Want To Switch ]
[ Back My Thoughts On This Story ]
[ & Do No More Talking About That Bitch ]

[ The Cemetary Looks Well Taken Care Of ]
[ Each Gravesite Is Shown Alot Of Love ]
[ & I Hope My Brother Can See That ]
[ From Way Up High Above ]

[ I Am So Grateful That Sanoe Took Me To His Spot ]
[ I Have To Thank Her Alot ]
[ & Then I Look Around @ The Family That I’ve Got ]

[ I Want To Hug Them & Keep Then Near ]
[ Even When I Can’t Always Be Here ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(419)▪︎[ Oh, One Of Those … 5•18•2021 ]

[ As The Desperation Sets In ]
[ I Sit Back & Say To Myself ( NOT THIS AGAIN? ) ]

[ The Battles Wage On & On & On ]
[ My Brain Feels Like A Small Ping Pong ]

[ Bouncing From One Side, To The Other ]
[ I Wish That I Had Someone On Speed Dial To Bounce Ideas
Off Of ]
[ Like My Brother ]

[ But Was He The Best Listener In This Kind Of Situation ]
[ Because I Felt That He Had A Form Of Infatuation ]

[ So I Am Back @ The Starting Gate ]
[ Looking @ The Date ]

[ While I Stand There Pondering ]
[ My Mind Is Wandering ]

[ What Is @ The End Of The Rainbows? ]
[ I Actually Have Never Met Someone Who Knows ]

[ Back To My Thoughts ]
[ The Ones That Have Me Tied Up In Knotts ]

[ What Is The ( THIS )? ]
[ Something That I Constantly Miss? ]

[ The ( THIS ) Is The Constant Subjects That We Go Back To ]
[ The Ones That I Am Never Able To Work Through ]
[ It Is The Dance That Me & You ]
[ Constantly Do ]

[ It Is Our Wednesday ]
[ The One That Some People Call ( HUMP DAY ) ]

[ The ( THIS ) Are The Subjects That We Can’t Get Over,
Through, Around Or Pass ]
[ The Subjects That Always Turns One Of Us Into The
Proverbial ( ASS ) ]

[ Oh, Those! ]
[ Yes The ( THIS ) Are ( THOSE ) ]

[ Oh ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(927)▪︎[ The Quiet Is Nice … 11•4•2020 ]

[ I Love The Sound You Make When You Are Quiet ]
[ The Silence That It Creates ]
[ Is As Relaxing As A Beautiful Sunset ]

[ As The Sun Sets Everything Seems To Be @ Peace ]
[ If There Is Chaos In The World ]
[ It Needs To Cease ]

[ Open The Window & Gaze @ That Awesome Sight ]
[ It Is Time For The Moon To Rise ]
[ As Nature Turns Into Night ]

[ I Am In Awe With How This Happens Every Day ]
[ Usually During The Same Time ]
[ & In The Same Way ]

[ Nothing Needs To Be Said ]
[ As Everything Around Me Goes To Bed ]

[ But People Are The Loudest Living Things On Earth ]
[ They’ve Been Making Sounds ]
[ Starting With Their Birth ]

[ Sometimes I Enjoy The Silence & Calm That Mother
Nature Has ]
[ No Screaming, Or Honking Cars That Harass ]

[ My Ears ]
[ There Is No Negativity To Hear ]

[ But Eventually I Must Get Back To Reality ]
[ & Be Surrounded By The Eventual Negativity ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(906)▪︎[ Have We? … 10•28•2020 ]

[ Have We As A Society Progressed? ]
[ Or Has This Virus Made Us Regress? ]

[ It Has Forced Us To Go Against Our Natural Strength ]
[ Which Is To Touch ]
[ Because We Must Stay Back From Each Other By
     @ Least An Arm’s Length ]

[ How Does This Affect The Relationship Between A
     Child & Their Elderly Grandmother? ]
[ When They Cannot Be In The Same Room With Each
     Other? ]

[ If We Come Upon A Stranger Within Our 6 Feet Space ]
[ Can You Tell If They Have A Smile Or Frown On Their Face? ]

[ We Try To Get Away As Fast As We Can ]
[ Because In Our Head We Want Our 6 Feet Of Space Back ]
[ No Matter If That Was A Woman Or Man ]

[ Have We Become A THAT Society? ]
[ Instead Of A Male Or Female Body? ]

[ How Did We Used To Make A Friend Out Of A Stranger If
     We Were Out Walking? ]
[ Didn’t We Smile, Then Stop & Start Talking? ]

[ That Is Not How We Are Told To Now Do ]
[ We Are Told To Keep Walking ]
[ & Never Talk Or Meet Someone New ]

[ They Might Give Us The ‘VID ]
[ & When We Bring It Home To Our Family ]
[ We Would Stand There & Say ( OH, LOOK WHAT I DID! ) ]

[ We Bet We Won’t Do That Again Is What We’ll Think ]
[ We Could Have Ignored That Stranger With A Blink ]

[ Are We Going To Be Forced To Go Back To Quaratining If
     The Virus Numbers Keep Rising? ]
[ The Numbers Of New Cases Are Surprising ]

[ But Really, Should It Have Been A Surprise? ]
[ The Experts PREDICTED The Rise ]

[ Now The Two Biggest Family Holidays Are Almost Here ]
[ This Is That Time Of The Year ]
[ & The Precautions Are Totally Unclear ]
[ How Do People Tell Their Relatives That They Are
     People That They Can’t Be Near? ]

[ Without Having Feelings Hurt On Both Sides? ]
[ Or Without Making Up Lies? ]

[ Maybe A Little White Lie Would Be Best Overall ]
[ We Can Say We Can’t Come In An Email, Text Or
     The Old Fashioned Phone Call ]

[ The Virus Is Not The Bad Thing That We Want To Give
     Or Receive ]
[ Keeping People Healthy Is What We are Trying To Achieve ]

[ & Seek ]
[ To Keep ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]   ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(902)▪︎[ In The Air … 10•27•2020 ]

[ What Is In The Air Tonight? ]
[ Is It The Scent Of Good Memories? ]
[ Or Does It Make You Want To Fight? ]

[ Fight Back The Tears? ]
[ Or Fight Your Fears? ]
[ You Have Been Battling To Control These Emotions For Over
     18 Years ]

[ You Have Narrowed That Count, Down To Three ]
[ But Each One Has The Same Affect On You ]
[ Because They Have Become Triggers ]
[ For Your PTSD ]

[ When You Start To Head Down That Negative Path It
     Starts To Make You Worry ]
[ When There Needs To Be Someone In The Room ]
[ You Always Want To Say ( I’m SORRY! ) ]

[ In Advance ]
[ Because Nobody Should Be Forced To Watch ]
[ As You Slip Away, Into A Trance ]

[ Can You Be Woken? ]
[ Has There Ever Been A Word Spoken? ]
[ In Your Trance Like Look ]
[ Do You Look Broken? ]

[ You Feel Broken The Minute After You Come Out ]
[ Sometimes You Have Doubt ]

[ Of Where You Are @ That Minute ]
[ You Need To Be Talked To & Engaged ]
[ Or The Movie Can Come Back & Then You Will Be Right Back In It ]

[ Sometimes It Is A Really Slow ]
[ Fall ]
[ Into Someplace That You Don’t Want To Go ]
[ @ All ]

[ Back In, Because There Are Times When You Have Fallen ]
[ Your Name Is What Someone Should Be Calling ]

[ You Can Control A Twitch ]
[ As Well As You Can Control A Sneeze ]
[ So Don’t Act Like A Little Bitch ]
[ Please ]
[ & Laugh & Tease ]

[ Because You Can Hear If You Are Being Negligent ]
[ Or Caring ]
[ It Would Be Magnificent ]
[ If You Don’t Feel The Need To Go Around & Start
     Sharing ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]   ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(899)▪︎[ It Is Who You Are … 10•26•2020 ]

[ Is It Who You’re With, Or Who You Are? ]
[ In A Group Of Ordinary People ]
[ Are You The Brightest Star? ]

[ Do You Persevere ]
[ & Shine? ]
[ When Others Have The Nerve ]
[ To Stand There & Whine? ]

[ Then You Say ( OH PLEASE ) ]
[ ( DO YOU WANT SOME CHEESE? ) ]

[ To Seal ]
[ That Meal? ]

[ Some People Stand There Waiting For Something To Do ]
[ Is That What You Want To Do Too? ]

[ I Didn’t Think So ]
[ Because That Is Not The Effort You Show ]

[ When Things Slow Down ]
[ You Speed Up ]
[ When You Look Around ]
[ You’re The Only One That Is Not Holding A Beggars Cup ]

[ A Nickel Here, A Dollar There ]
[ Whenever They Get A Dollar ]
[ They Would Never Share ]

[ They Keep Everything For Themselves ]
[ They Never Think Of Helping Or Including Anyone Else ]

[ Selfish Is The Word That Comes To Your Mind ]
[ Others Are Thankful ]
[ That Are Not Of That Kind ]

[ You Are Almost Too Generous ]
[ Most Of The Time ]
[ On Occasions Too Numerous ]
[ To Count ]
[ You Gave A Friend Your Last Dime ]

[ You Bypass Your Own Needs To Help Others ]
[ You Help Out Friends ]
[ Because You Don’t Have Any Sisters Or Brothers ]

[ Your Only Brother Got Taken From You Many Months Ago ]
[ For Reasons That You Will Never Know ]

[ ( THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON ) Some People Will Say ]
[ Those Are The Types Of People That Needs To Go Away ]
[ & Stay ]
[ That Way ]

[ Then End Things On A Positive Note ]
[ Show Them The Door ]
[ After They Grab Their Coat ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(418)▪︎[ What Would That Word Be? … 5•17•2021 ]

[ The Footage Sparked Outrage Across The Nation ]
[ America Has Now Been Reduced To Fractions ]

[ This Fraction Of People See’s The George Floyd Murder
Tape This Way ]
[ Another Fraction Of People See The Tape ]
[ & They Decided That They Sure Had Alot To Say ]

[ A Paramedic In-Training Tried To Give Floyd Some Medical
Attention ]
[ To Check His Pulse & Breathing ]
[ Not To Administer Medication ]

[ Christopher Martin Stated That He Wished That He Had Never
Made The Call ]
[ That Started This All ]

[ He Has Been Racked With Guilt Ever Since Then ]
[ He Feels That If He Would Not Had Made The Call, None Of This
Would Have Happened ]

[ In The Video He Had His Hands On His Head Looking & Acting
Stressed ]
[ Thinking That He Caused All Of This Mess ]

[ That Stress Should Not Have Been Laid Upon His Young
Shoulders ]
[ How Will This Affect His Life, As He Grows Older? ]

[ How Many Of Those Bystanders Called 911? ]
[ Because Of Chauvin’s Actions ]
[ The Only Thing That Chauvin Did Not Do, Was Use His Gun ]

[ The Fault For This Lies Squarely On Chauvin’s Head ]
[ It Was Completely His Actions That Caused George Floyd
To Be Dead ]

[ Those Bystanders Witnessed A Murder Right In Front Of
     Their Eyes ]
[ Because Of The Police Body Cams & The Bystanders Recording
     EVERYTHING On Their Phones ]
[ The Public Did Not Have To Be Forced Into Believing All Of The
     Police Officers Lies ]

[ Oh, I Am Sure That The Officers Would Say That Floyd Died
From Acute Problems ]
[ Because Of The Drugs In His System ]

[ Chauvin’s Body Language During That Whole Video Showed
That He Was Very Relaxed ]
[ While Floyd’s Breathing System Was Taxed ]

[ Chauvin Did Not Show Any Sign That His Life Was In Any
Danger ]
[ Chauvin’s Demeanor Seemed Calm ]
[ There Was No Sign Of Anger ]

[ Floyd Had @ Least Two Other Cops Holding Him Down ]
[ Floyd Was A Very Large Man ]
[ Nobody Was As Big As Him Around ]

[ That Did Not Mean That He Deserved To Be Tortured ]
[ While He Was Being Murdered ]

[ Chauvin Did His Part ]
[ Because He Had Evil Intentions In His Heart ]

[ Chauvin Did Not Seem Affected By George’ Condition
When He Got Up ]
[ Maybe Because Floyd Showed No Wounds Or Cuts ]

[ Outwardly Floyd Looked Fine ]
[ He Wasn’t ]
[ Because Chauvin’s Actions Caused Floyd To Die ]

[ Everytime That I See That Video I Try To Come Up With
The Right Verb ]
[ But I Keep Coming Back To The Same One … Disturbed ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(062)▪︎[ Coulda Shoulda Woulda … 1•17•2020 ]

[ Way Way Back In The Brain, Where There Are A Whole Bunch
Of Woulds ]
[ There Also Lies Piles, Of Shoulds & Coulds ]

[ Some Of These Are Here, Because Of Changes In The Attitude ]
[ Some Need To Change, To Get In A Better Mood ]

[ Could One Of These Be The Thing That We Woulda Shoulda
Coulda Had Been Done ]
[ Some Were For Work Or Life ]
[ Some Coulda Made Our Life A Lot More Fun ]
[ Should I Had Walked Down That Street? ]
[ Should I Had Gone On That Run? ]

[ Could One Woulda, Had Me Marry The Wrong Wife? ]
[ That Would Be All I Would Need ]
[ A Lifetime Of Strife! ]

[ What If I Had Bought That Hat? ]
[ If Only I Had Only Done This Or That ]

[ Should I Had Bought That One In White ]
[ Could I Have Really Won? ]
[ If I Went Left Instead Of Right ]

[ Do I Call All Of These Coulda Shoulda Woulda’s ( REGRETS )? ]
[ Or Should I Call Them ( FORGETS )? ]

[ I Cannot Do Anything About Them Now ]
[ I Cannot Look @ One & Say ( CHANGE! ) ( POW! ) ]

[ It Is Fun To Use The Imagination ]
[ It Is Fun To Have A Fascination ]
[ It Is Not Good To Have A Fixation ]

[ Because If You Take A Woulda Shoulda Coulda ]

[ And Try It & Fix ]
[ The Whole World Could Play Tricks ]
[ And You Might Just Run Into A Whole Lot Of Dicks ]

[ So Try As You Might ]
[ When It Comes To This Subject ]
[ Bid It Goodnight ]
[ And Take It Out Of The Bright Light ]
[ And Close Your Brain To Its Sight ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(1041)▪︎[ How It Affects Me … 8•11•19 ]

[ When PTSD Hit Me Right In The Face ]
[ I Checked Out Of The Human Race ]
[ The Memory Of That One Fateful Day, In 2002, Is What I Couldn’t Erase ]

[ All Of A Sudden I Thought Living Was A Waste ]
[ My Thoughts Were Moving Like Paste ]
[ So I Gave Suicide A Taste ]

[ 5, 6, 7 Attempts ]
[ I Was So Depressed & Unkept ]

[ It Totally Sunk Me Into The Dark ]
[ Everybody Was In Drive ]
[ While I Stayed, Stuck In Park ]

[ The Drive Inside Me Totally Died ]
[ If I Told You [ YES, I WANT TO LIVE ] ]
[ I Smiled & I Lied ]

[ I Had No Fight ]
[ I Had No Internal Fire ]
[ When I Sat In A Room I Didn’t Turn On The Light ]
[ I Became A Bad Liar ]
[ Because I Failed To Know Wrong From Right ]
[ I Became As Useful As A Flat Tire ]
[ I Was A Sad Sight ]
[ Who Never Should Had Been Admired ]

[ @ Times I’d Feel So Ill ]
[ All I Thought About Was Swallowing A Handful Of Pills ]

[ For My Family I Was One Big Minus ]
[ For So Many Moments ]
[ I Wasn’t @ My Finest ]

[ All I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone ]
[ I Was Cold, Clear To My Bones ]
[ When People Talked To Me ]
[ I Didn’t Like Their Tone ]

[ The Voices Inside Of My Head Were So Loud ]
[ Physically I Was All By Myself ]
[ Mentally I Was Stuck In The Middle Of A Crowd ]

[ I Was A Shell Of The One That Lived & Thrived Until 2002 ]
[ When I Looked In The Mirror ]
[ There Was The Reflection Of A Man That I Never Knew ]

[ I Was Put Through 10 Painfull Sessions Of E.C.T. ]
[ Afterwards My Head Pounded ]
[ & My Vision Was Blurry ]

[ The Real Me Was Trapped Inside My Ill Mind ]
[ I Didn’t Know Sanity From My Own Behind ]

[ What Turned Around My Head ]
[ Was When I Went Unconscious Because Of Counter-
Active Meds ]

[ Days Turned Into Weeks, Which Then Became Months & Years ]
[ When Left All Alone In The Dark, I Shed Alot Of Tears ]
[ The Voices In My Head Only Shined A Spot Light On My Fears ]

[ But The P.T.S.D. Still Haunts My Days & Nights ]
[ The Sounds, The Smells & The Sights ]
[ Continues Giving Me Extreme Fright ]

[ Healing From P.T.S.D. Oftentimes Never Happens ]
[ Bad Night After Bad Night Totally Dampens ]

[ My Resolve ]
[ Because Sometimes The Problem Is Never Solved ]
[ & For Those Involved ]

[ It’s One Long Waiting Game ]
[ The Name’s The Same ]
[ But Is The Blame? ]

[ But The Way P.T.S.D. Affects Some ]
[ Is By Breaking Them Down So They Do Something Dumb ]
[ & Then When It’s Time To Get Together ]
[ They Don’t Want To Come ]

[ I Don’t Know If I’m Supposed To Thank ]
[ The System That Makes Me Draw A Blank ]

[ I Feel That P.T.S.D. Will Always Be With Me ]
[ Maybe Not Affecting Me Day After Day ]
[ But In My Memory ]

[ My Memory Seems To Be A Problem, Some Have Said ]
[ This Time The Problem IS All In My Head ]

[ My Memory Is Part Of The Reason I Don’t Move On ]
[ I Wish The Nightmares Would Be Gone ]
[ My Brain Makes Me Feel Like A Pawn ]

[ In A Game I Never Wanted To Play ]
[ But The P.T.S.D. Made Me Stay ]
[ I Wanted To Find Any Way ]

[ To Get Off Of The Merry-Go-Round ]
[ That Keeps Me From Having My Feet Firmly On The Ground ]

[ If It Wasn’t For My Strong Wife ]
[ I Wouldn’t Be Around Enjoying This Life ]

[ Then I Met A Counselor Who Kicked My Butt ]
[ She Wouldn’t Just Let Me Sit On The Couch Asking Her [ WHAT? ] ]

[ Then I Met An N.P. That Said, [ YOU’re TAKING TOO MUCH ] ]
[ So That Gave Me A Hunch ]
[ That I Needed To Pack A Lunch ]
[ Because This Woman Packs A Punch ]

[ They Jumped Right In ]
[ & Told Me To Begin Again ]

[ Their Goal Was To Make Me Whole ]
[ To Figure Out My Role ]

[ In The Family ]
[ & Society ]

[ P.T.S.D. Still Has An Affect ]
[ But More & More I Have Time To Reflect ]
[ About The Effect ]

[ It Has In My World ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]

(646)▪︎[ It Is All THEIR Business … 7•25•2020 ]

[ I Really Need To Stay Out Of Other People’s Business ]
[ If They Plan Or Choose To Do Something ]
[ I Need To Let It Be, Their Mess ]

[ & Never Mine ]
[ I Should Only Be Concerned About Going Dakine ]
[ Everyday, Before Nine ]

[ If They Want To Do Something, Then That Is What They’ll
Do ]
[ & If They Include Another ]
[ That Would Be Trouble, Times Two ]

[ That Means That Would Be ]
[ Something That Doesn’t Concern Or Affect Me ]

[ I Am Not Going To Be The One To Tell Them Where
Not To Step ]
[ Even If I Did ]
[ There Would Not Be Any Appreciation, I Bet ]

[ Appreciation Is Definitely Not Something That Is Widely
Shown ]
[ That Is A Fact, That Is Widely Known ]

[ So Known, That I’d Be Dumb Not To Know ]
[ Appreciation? ]
[ How Does It Show? ]

[ People Will Show That They Do Not Appreciate Something, Really
Quick ]
[ Even To Go As Far As Making Me Sick ]

[ Not To My Stomach, But In My Head ]
[ But Then I Ask Myself ]
[ ( DO I NEED MORE MED’s? ) ]
[ Or Maybe I Should Be Like Most Everyone Else ]
[ I’ll Just Throw Up My Arms & Go Back To Bed ]

~ The End ~

[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ] ‎
‎
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]