[ When PTSD Hit Me Right In The Face ]
[ I Checked Out Of The Human Race ]
[ The Memory Of That One Fateful Day Is What
I Couldn’t Erase ]
[ All Of A Sudden I Thought Living Was A Waste ]
[ My Thoughts Were Moving Like Paste ]
[ So I Gave Suicide A Taste ]
[ 5, 6, 7 Attempts ]
[ I Was So Depressed & Unkept ]
[ It Totally Sunk Me Into The Dark ]
[ Everybody Was In Drive ]
[ While I Stayed Stuck In Park ]
[ The Drive Inside Me Totally Died ]
[ If I Told You [ I WANT TO LIVE ] ]
[ I Smiled & I Lied ]
[ I Had No Fight ]
[ I Had No Internal Fire ]
[ When I Sat In A Room I Didn’t Turn On The Light ]
[ I Became A Bad Liar ]
[ Because I Failed To Know Wrong From Right ]
[ I Became As Useful As A Flat Tire ]
[ I Was A Sad Sight ]
[ Who Never Should Have Been Admired ]
[ @ Times I’d Feel So Ill ]
[ All I Thought About Was Swallowing A Handful Of Pills ]
[ For My Family I Was One Big Minus ]
[ For So Many Moments ]
[ I Wasn’t @ My Finest ]
[ All I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone ]
[ I Was Cold Down To My Bones ]
[ When People Talked To Me ]
[ I Didn’t Like Their Tone ]
[ The Voices Inside Of My Head Were So Loud ]
[ Physically I Was All By Myself ]
[ Mentally I Was Stuck In The Middle Of A Crowd ]
[ I Was A Shell Of The One That Lived & Thrived Until 2002 ]
[ When I Looked In The Mirror ]
[ There Was The Reflection Of A Man That I Never Knew ]
[ I Was Put Through 10 Painfull Sessions Of E.C.T. ]
[ Afterwards My Head Pounded ]
[ & My Vision Was Blurry ]
[ The Real Me Was Trapped Inside My Ill Mind ]
[ I Didn’t Know Sanity From My Own Behind ]
[ What Turned Around My Head ]
[ Was When I Went Unconscious Because Of Counter-
Active Meds ]
[ Days Turned Into Weeks Which Then Became Months & Years ]
[ When Left All Alone In The Dark I Shed Alot Of Tears ]
[ The Voices In My Head Only Shined A Spot Light On My Fears ]
[ The P.T.S.D. Still Haunts My Days & Nights ]
[ The Sounds, The Smells & The Sights ]
[ Continues Giving Me Extreme Fright ]
[ Healing From P.T.S.D. Oftentimes Never Happens ]
[ Bad Night After Night Totally Dampens ]
[ My Resolve ]
[ Because Sometimes The Problem Is Never Solved ]
[ & For Those Involved ]
[ It’s One Long Waiting Game ]
[ The Name’s The Same ]
[ But Is The Blame? ]
[ The Way P.T.S.D. Affects Some ]
[ Is By Breaking Them Down So They Do Something Dumb ]
[ & Then When It’s Time To Get Together ]
[ They Don’t Want To Come ]
[ I Don’t Know If I’m Supposed To Thank ]
[ The System That Makes Me Draw A Blank ]
[ I Feel That P.T.S.D. Will Always Be With Me ]
[ Maybe Not Affecting Me Day After Day ]
[ But In My Memory ]
[ My Memory Seems To Be A Problem, Some Have Said ]
[ This Time The Problem IS All In My Head ]
[ My Memory Is Part Of The Reason I Don’t Move On ]
[ I Wish The Nightmares Would Be Gone ]
[ My Brain Makes Me Feel Like A Pawn ]
[ In A Game I Never Wanted To Play ]
[ But The P.T.S.D. Made Me Stay ]
[ I Wanted To Find Any Way ]
[ To Get Off Of The Merry-Go-Round ]
[ That Keeps Me From Having My Feet Firmly On The Ground ]
[ If It Wasn’t For My Strong Wife ]
[ I Wouldn’t Be Around Enjoying This Life ]
[ Then I Met A Counselor Who Kicked My Butt ]
[ She Wouldn’t Just Let Me Sit On The Couch Asking [ WHAT? ] ]
[ Then I Met An N.P. That Said, [ YOU’re TAKING TOO MUCH ] ]
[ So That Gave Me A Hunch ]
[ That I Needed To Pack A Lunch ]
[ Because This Woman Packs A Punch ]
[ They Jumped Right In ]
[ & Told Me To Begin Again ]
[ Their Goal Was To Make Me Whole ]
[ To Figure Out My Role ]
[ In The Family ]
[ & Society ]
[ P.T.S.D. Still Has An Affect ]
[ But More & More I Have Time To Reflect ]
[ About The Effect ]
[ It Has In My World ]
~ The End ~
[ Mahalo ]
[ A hui hou aku ]
[ Aloha ]
[ Na ]
[ Lopaka DeVoe ]
Lopaka's Poetic Stories Blog 